


Hargreeves sibling bullshit

by ceo_of_stupid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben is alive, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Mentioned Reginald Hargreeves, No Angst, No Incest, Numbers as Names, Pre-Canon, The Hargreeves Siblings - Freeform, They have phones, They talk like gen z, Young Umbrella Academy, five hasn’t left, groupchat, i fucking hate pogo, just enjoy it, no beta we die like ben, pogo bashing, the umbrella academy as kids, they don’t have names yet, they vibe with vanya don’t worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:44:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 17,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceo_of_stupid/pseuds/ceo_of_stupid
Summary: What if the umbrella academy had phones as kids, and a really chaotic groupchat to go along with it? Takes place before five leaves, they don’t have their names yet but don’t worry we’ll cover that ;)
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, The Hargreeves & Dr. Pogo (Umbrella Academy), The Hargreeves Family, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone
Comments: 207
Kudos: 511





	1. Pogo can eat my ass

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just enjoy the kids being meme lords and using gen z slang while bonding with vanya and including her. Also they drag pogo. 
> 
> No incest you freaks, it’s all platonic kids being good siblings and having fun.

00.04 created a groupchat 

00.04 added 00.01  
00.04 added 00.02  
00.04 added 00.03  
00.04 added 00.05  
00.04 added 00.06  
——  
00.04: hey fam 

00.02: oh god

00.03: what is this

00.04: sibling groupchat, my good bitch

00.06: idk Four, if dad finds out..

00.05: if dad finds out, Three can just rumour him. Thats how we got him to buy us phones in the first place.

00.02: nice move btw

00.03: thanks lmao

00.01: why are you all awake? Lights out was hours ago

00.06: Five was thinking too loud it kept me up

00.04: HSDFVCDSD S I X 

00.02: im still sore from training

00.05: god,,,that was awful

00.06: i know i felt boneless when it finally ended

00.03: mood

00.01: its for our own good tho

00.04: its for reggie’s own good 

00.02: did you just call dad reggie

00.05: wait i kinda stan that

00.01: guys!! We cant disrespect dad!

00.03: yeah we can lmao

00.02: can we disrespect pogo?

00.06: wig why

00.02: he bothers me

00.03: he glared at me yesterday

00.04: pogo can eat my ass

00.05: SCREAMING

00.04: ive had enough of that bastard. “Ooh master Four its time for your lessons” bitch im gonna kill you

00.01: ngl pogo gets on my nerves

00.06: woah even One hates pogo

00.04: weve converted him

00.05: throwback to when mom gave us bananas and Three offered one to pogo

00.02: OMFG THE LOOK ON HIS FACE

00.03: I THOUGHT IT MADE SENSE!! MONKEYS ON TV EAT THEM ALL THE TIME

00.04: pogo rlly said 🐵 

00.06: shut up Four I’m gon laugh Hh 

00.01: shouldn’t we go to sleep? We have wrestling tomorrow 

00.05: shit you’re right

00.04: ok gn hoes ily 

00.03: gn binch


	2. Soulja Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five is stupid and so is Luther

12:54 PM

00.05: good afternoon idiots

00.03: :/

00.05: it’s our weekly hour of free time what should we do

00.06: ooh can we listen to music

00.02: YES

00.05: tea okay 

00.04: pass the aux

00.02: do NOT give him the aux 

00.01: no wait I wanna see what he picks

00.06: let’s see this play out 

00.03: ^^

00.05: fine

00.04: YES

00.03: oh god

00.06: CRYINF

00.01: oh I know this song

00.01: the lyrics are like

00.01: yooouuuu soldier boy tellem 

00.02: HhAHAFCSSBVSA

00.03: noooooo

00.04: ITS SOULJA BOY DUMBASS

00.01: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW  
THAT

00.05: IM SCREAMINV

00.05: soldier boy reporting for duty

00.04: we want YOUU to join the army

00.02: crank that! Sir yes sir!

00.01: SHUT UP I HATE YOU GUYS

00.03: SHIT i hear dad  
—————————————————  
3:25 AM

00.01: what the HELL was THAT

00.03: idk but i heard it too

00.06: i think it came from Fives room

00.05: hgssdvfsaa

00.05: i dreamt that i was fallinf so i jerked around and sleep jumped myself onto the ground

00.02: LMFAOOO 

00.01: peak Five energy

00.06: go to sleep bastard children

00.04: we’re all bastards

00.03: it must run in the family

00.06: its in our blood

00.05: our adopted blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nest time: VANYA!!!


	3. Seven joins the chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding over a hatred of oatmeal, plus young Vanya is the icon we know and love

7:30 AM

00.06: good morning

00.03: no it’s not

00.05: wait I have an idea

00.04: oh god

00.05: hear me out

00.01: ???

00.05: im gonna add Seven

00.01: why

00.03:yeah what

00.06: give her a chance

[00.05 has added 00.07]

00.07: hi

00.02: ugh why are you all up so early whatd i miss

00.02: O H 

00.02: uh hey Seven

00.03: hi seven

00.04: hey seven

00.05: yall awkward

00.07: anyone know whats for breakfast

00.03: oatmeal i think?

00.07: FUCK

00.07: I HATE THAT SHIT 😤

00.04: LMFAO SAME

00.03: omg mood its nasty

00.02: what no its not

00.06: its oat mush

00.02: its moms cooking tho

00.05: mamas boy

00.02: HEY

00.07: ✊😳 im Two and i like 😷😌 boiled oats because 🤪🍽 my mommy makes them

00.01: BWAHAHAHAHA

00.03: LMFAO CRYINGGGG

00.04: and we dont even get to put like, brown sugar on it either

00.07: like reggie can you spare some raisins

00.06: retweet

00.03: okay Seven you can stay youre iconic

00.01: yeah i gotta say youre hilarious

00.07: omg yay

00.05: congrats on befriending your literal sister, slackers

00.05: and all it took was for her to bully Two

00.02: shit your fuck up all of yall

00.01: 😔

00.06: uh we finna be late for breakfast

00.07: good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanya WOULD be this funny dont disagree with me here


	4. Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego gets his revenge but is later roasted, Allison and Vanya are a powerful combo, and Five can’t spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating twice in one day because I run this town now

6:45 PM

00.01: Two i fucking hate you

00.02: aw come on it was funny

00.03: dad’s gonna kill yall for that tho

00.05: it was so funny though

00.07: what happened?

00.03: oh i forgot you don’t do training lmao

00.06: Two and One were arguing during today’s session and when One beat him in a sparring match Two freaked and threw a knife at him

00.07: T W O 

00.02: 🙈

00.01: bitch

00.02: I gave you the apology gift 

00.01: YOU GAVE ME A MUG THAT SAID #1 WIFE, WITH THE WIFE PART TAPED OVER

00.02: I DID MY BEST

00.07: LMAOOOOOO

00.07: wait where’s Four

00.03: oh god

00.07: ?

00.05: it wasn’t that bad

00.03: it literally was

00.06: Five punched Four

00.05: I didn’t hit him that hard!!!

00.03: HIS NOSE WAS BLEEDING

00.06: so anyway he’s with mom rn getting ~medical attention~

00.07: training sounds...interesting

00.02: mom says we’re having spaghetti for dinner, I’m hype 

00.01: are you just like, talking to mom right now

00.05: mamas. Boy.

00.02: AM NOT

00.03: ARE TOO

00.03: lmao are two

00.02: stop calling me that

00.07: or what, you’ll stutter at us?

00.01: HAHAFDASDSS

00.05: critical hit

00.06: SEVEN IM W E A K 

00.03: guys it’s fine he’s only with mom right now because it’s time for his speech therapy

00.07: LMAO

00.06: oh my god why are both our sisters iconic 

00.07: its a hargreeves girl thing ;)

00.03: its in our blood 🤷

00.05: our adopted blood

00.01: Oop the dinner bell is gonna ring soon

00.05: yess spagetti time

00.06: its spaghetti 

00.05: what no

00.06: it literally is

00.05: shut up Six I think I know how to spell spagetti 

00.06: dumb bitch 

00.05: IM NOT DUMB

00.02: sapghettu 

00.02: spoghetti 

00.03: come on you can do it Two

00.07: just picture the word in your mind

00.02: FUCK YOU GUYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we got Klaus texting from the mausoleum:-)
> 
> Also I promise I don’t hate Diego it’s just so EASY


	5. Insomniac crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus is in the mausoleum but I made it funny because I don’t want angst in this household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben content

11:30 PM  
00.04: hey fuckers

00.04: respond

00.04: Five I know you’re awake

00.05: shit 

00.04: Seven, you too. And Six. Don’t try and pretend you sleep.

00.06: shit

00.07: shit

00.05: wassup Four

00.04: ew never say “wassup” again

00.04: rn I’m just playing uno 

00.07: 👁👄👁

00.06: BITCG with who

00.04: the ghosties 

00.05: THEY IN YOUR ROOM OR SUMN??

00.04: LMFAO nah I’m in the mausoleum 

00.06: the fuckign what

00.06: we have a mausoleum?

00.07: did dad buy a graveyard 

00.04: I just lost 🥺 one of them had a +4

00.07: F

00.04: damn is cold in here I’m freezing my tiddies off

00.05: one sec

00.07: what

00.04: HHNNHFDSSDFFSS

00.04: HE JUMPED IN AND BROUGHT ME A SWEATER 

00.06: FIVE

00.05: he said he was cold

00.07: bitch we cant leave our rooms at night

00.05: is that so 

00.07: HHHHHH

00.07: HE JUMPED INTO MY ROOM, FLIPPED ME OFF, AND LEFT

00.06: FIVE YOU CANT DO THAT 

00.05: I can do what I want

00.04: ok edgelord

00.05: I Will Come Back And Take Your Sweater

00.04: wait no I’m sorry

00.07: I’m going to sleep I have to play my violin for dad tomorrow 

00.06: take the L

00.07: 🚫🧢  
————————  
7:30 AM  
00.03: fucking insomniacs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna have them get names soon but as usual I’m gonna reduce it to meme content


	6. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kid’s get their names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five gets dragged

1:30 PM

00.01: Seven come downstairs

00.07: ¿

00.03: come downstairs

00.07: haha very funny

00.07: get it because i cant join training

00.07: you guys suck

00.04: noo we’re serious

00.05: hurry up

00.06: dad is calling you

00.07: what why

00.01: family meeting

00.07: why am i invited

00.01: ,,,youre apart of the family??

00.07: COMING

00.03: omg a bitch RAN

00.006: HGASH SHE ZOOMED DOWN THOSE STEPS

00.02: N Y O O M 

00.01: put away your phones before he gets here istg  
—————————  
3:30 PM

00.02: what the shit was that

00.03: I’m crying hold on

00.07: same

00.06: pussies

00.04: Six you literally sobbed through all of that

00.04: wait I guess... not Six anymore

00.01: should we change the names

00.07: yes blease

00.02: im fuckingf EMOTIONAL 

[00.02 has changed their nickname to Diego]

[00.01 has changed their nickname to Luther]

[00.03 has changed their nickname to Allison]

[00.04 has changed their nickname to Klaus]

[00.06 has changed their nickname to Benjamin]

[00.07 has changed their nickname to Vanya]

[00.05 has changed their name to Five]

Allison: this is gonna take some getting used to

Luther: yeah wow

Benjamin: Mom is incredible im 🥺

Vanya: I KNOW she picked them out with such care and like 

Klaus: wack that they decided not to tell us our heritage until today tho

Diego: shut up Four this is important

Diego: shit

Diego: sorry Klaus

Five: 😐

Vanya: wait what

Allison: are you just not gonna use yours

Five: no

Diego: but theyre a gift from mom! Dont you want a name

Five: i have a name

Luther: the one you got was nice

Five: it doesnt suit me

Benjamin: kyle isnt so bad

Five: its fucking awful shut up

Klaus: plus we dont want two K names

Luther: valid  
——————————-  
8:30 PM

[Benjamin has changed their nickname to Ben]

Vanya: lmao sure

Ben: 🤪

Vanya: god but like,, was anyone gonna tell me that I’m from Russia or was I just supposed to learn that myself 

Allison: comrade Vanya

Vanya: NNFSVHDS

Luther: Vanya is a pretty name tho

Vanya: 🥺 thanks

Diego: I’m from MEXICO!! FUCK YEAH

Luther: I’m British 😔

Diego: bitch want a crumpet

Luther: fuck off

Allison: god the suspense of mine

Allison: “you’re from the south, family originally from Sudan.....”

Allison: and then she fucking gave me Allison 

Ben: I was also not expecting a white people name but I think it’s the name meaning or something 

Klaus: I’m honestly not surprised 

Vanya: that you’re Welsh?

Klaus: yeah I mean I’ve always loved Welch’s fruit gummies

Luther: HHHHHNBHGG

Five: I have no heritage

Diego: its not that bad

Five: YOU ALL LAUGHED WHEN SHE SAID IT

vanya: we snorted

Five: it was humiliating 

Luther: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO REACT

Five: it’s not that funny

Diego: Buffalo is a pretty funny place of origin, Kyle

Five: ILL KILL YOU

Vanya: LMFAOOOO

Klaus: 🐃 

Luther: KYLE from BUFFALO

Klaus:🐃🐃🐃🐃🐃 your kind

Allison: stop he’s gonna freak out 💀💀

Vanya: and chug monster energy

Diego: maybe punch a hole in his wall

Five: STOPPPP 😭😭😭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too


	7. Haircut day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie is bullied, inside jokes are discussed, twister is played

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comrade

9:00 AM

Klaus: it’s hair cut dayyy 

Vanya: 🥳

Allison: can dad get here so we can sit down and eat 

Diego: mood

Five: aw man hair cut day

Ben: remember how much we hated hair cut day when we were little

Luther: YES that’s because the old moms were so bad at doing it

Vanya: ya’ll remember the third mom? Or maybe she was the fourth idk but either way she gave Ben a bowl cut

Ben: YES

Diego: this mom is the best. She gives great haircuts 

Vanya: wonder what style I should get

Five: you’ve had the same bangs and long hair since we were seven years old

Vanya: HHNBGFFG

Klaus: wow critical hit

Klaus: “cHiLdREn” *squeaking noises as we all pull out our chairs*

Allison: fukin accurate

Five: Oop that’s the bell  
————————————-  
9:30  
Vanya: I’m still hungry why is breakfast so short

Luther: keeps us on schedule 

Vanya: I need food

Five: we never even finish the timer just goes off and we all have to stand up

Klaus: snippy snip time

Diego: Luther I’ll pay you to get a buzz cut 

Luther: you have no money

Vanya: LMFAO

Allison: guys shut up he’s coming down the hallway 

Klaus: that lecture was....

Vanya: dad yelling at us to stop laughing

Vanya: “i will use the LOUD to destroy the LOUD”

Five: me looking for the logic 🧐

Klaus: omfg wait that emoji looks like dad

Luther: HAHA

Five: where is pogo

Allison: probably lurking 

Luther: brb haircut time

Diego: dad really thinks he’s a genius making us do shit in numeral order

Allison: dad isn’t so bad...

Ben: he slapped you on the wrist yesterday for refusing to rumor me off a ledge

Klaus: “NUMBA THREE THIS BEHAVIAH WILL NOT STAND”

Allison: yeah ik I just kinda wish he was a good dad

Five: we don’t need dad we have mom and each other 

Five: Reginald is a bitch anyway

Klaus: kyle has DADDY ISSUES

Luther: LMFAO okay Diego your turn

Vanya: Lmao lookin fresh Luther

Luther: dad isn’t completely bad, he still loves us he’s just tough on us

Luther: wait Klaus your dad impression is so good what the hell

Klaus: NUMBA ONE STRAIGHTEN YOUR TIE

Klaus: *tapping cane on ground*

Allison: CRYINF

Five: that cane 🧃

Luther: APPLE JUICE?????

Five: TYPO

Diego: alli it’s your turn

Allison: wait thas such a cute nickname 🤩  
Luther: lookin fresh numba two

Diego: dont 

Vanya: if alli gets a nickname we should all have nicknames

Five: good idea comrade vanya

Klaus: ok Luther can be soldier boy

Luther: are we still not over that

Klaus: no

Ben: Diego can be shit

Diego: W HAT

vanya: AHAHA FIVE JUSY DROPPED HIS PHONEF

Five: HBDSGDA

Diego: I CAN FUCKING WHAT???

Ben: you know,,, like number two??

Diego: kill me now

Allison: I’m alli 

Five: klaus can be cracker

Allison: HHE CAN FUY MIUJNG WHAT

Ben: IM GONNA PISS MY PABTS

Klaus: nnoo hes referencing an inside joke

Diego: SCREming

Five: the goldfish incident 

Vanya: we have half an hour of free time per week how did you find the time to develop an inside joke

Five: I can teleport and he’s very determined 

Klaus: boutta get my hair cut

Five: what’s my nickname

Diego: cinco 

Five: that’s cute

Vanya: did five just call something cute

Allison: screenshotted 

Five: shat 

Vanya: Ben’s can be maple syrup

Ben: NOOOOO

Luther: HA

Ben: IT WAS O N E TIME

five: YOU GOT IT ALL OVER THE TABLE

Ben: WE WERE LIKE NINE YEARS OLD

Vanya: what’s mine?

Vanya: you’ve all been typing for a while I’m scared

Luther: Comrade

Diego: comrade 

Allison: comrade

Five: comrade

Ben: comrade 

Vanya: FUCK  
———————————-  
1:30 PM

Vanya: come to the library when training ends. I found twister.

Five: I’m so down 

Diego: LMFAOOOO

five: HAHA HIS FACE

Vanya: what what’s happening 

Luther: dad tried to reprimand Ben but his voice cracked and then he just walked away

Vanya: LMAO

Klaus: the best part about dad is he’s such a tight ass that he rarely slips up around us, so I can clearly remember every mistake he’s ever made

Vanya: once he called me number eight

Five: E I G H T

Vanya: wait so is he coming bacj

Allison: i think training is over early

Vanya: yesss come play

Luther: cool!

Ben: best day ever! Dad looks stupid, training ends early, and we get to hang out together as a group!

Five: ✊🧃

Allison: haircut days>>>>>>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the gang sneaks out to Griddy’s


	8. Gritty’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids sneak out and Diego eats weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just know that Luther and Allison are written Here as best friends and nothing more. God. continue.

7:58 PM

Five: I have an idea

Luther: we literally have two minutes before the lights turn off what do you have to say

Klaus: imagine getting to control your bedtime like a normal person instead of the fucking mandatory electronic schedule 

Vanya: and that is on automatic lights out

Allison: period

Ben: lmaoo

Five: if nobody is gonna listen to me then maybe I’ll just go to Griddy’s myself

Vanya: GRIDDY’S????

Luther: what’s griddy’s

Ben: isn’t that the diner

Klaus: 100 % thought it was gritty’s but ok

Vanya: I WANNA COME

Five: we’re all sneaking out to Griddy’s tonight 

Ben: there’s no way we can pull that off

Five: oh ye of little faith

Klaus: he can do it he’s done it before

Diego: he has???

Diego: what do you two get up to???

Five: it’ll be easy. I’ll come around to everyone’s rooms and grab them when it’s time, so just put on shoes and a sweater

Luther: wait ok but how are we gonna get there

Five: I’ll take us

Luther: how

Five: do you fucking have eyes

Five: I can teleport 

Vanya: HHHDVGDS

Diego: HH DRAG HIM

Luther: I didn’t know you could bring people with you ¿

Five: I can! Klaus and I went for milkshakes earlier this week

Vanya: you fucking what

Klaus: 🤪

Allison: ok bitch but we don’t have money

Five: again!!! Powers????

Allison: lmfao I heard a rumor you gave us a ton of donuts

Ben: YES say that

Klaus: please say that

Luther: I guess as long as we’re careful 

Five: okay Vanya I’m coming to get you first so be ready

Vanya:k

Five: heads up I will be jumping into all of your rooms and bringing you into the hall

Diego: Lmao ok ykngrfvvd 

Allison: they fucking killed him

Luther: five took him by surprise is all

Five: ok follow me

Five: Allison and Luther stop making each other laugh 

Ben: Diego you fucking stepped on my foot

Diego: sorry

Five: ok klaus 

Five: hold my hand

Klaus: charmed but I don’t like you like that

Five: shit the fucj up everyone grab hands 

Vanya: unbcffvw that felt weird

Luther: jumping through time and space or holding ben’s hand

Ben: HEY

Allison: shut up and lemme order

Luther: we should sneak out of the academy more often 

Vanya: why are you texting at the table

Luther: didn’t want the waitress lady to overhear me saying the academy

Klaus: good idea

Allison: yeah tonight we’re regular kids

Five: not Diego 

Diego: why aren’t I normal 

Vanya: you’re eating your donut with a knife and fork 

Ben: this is great tho thanks five

Allison: yeah thanks cinco 

Klaus: thx cinq 

Vanya: thank you Cinque 

Luther: thanx fünf 

Diego: yes thanks cúig

Five: was that all just my name in different languages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klaus and five are the brotp 
> 
> ALSO
> 
> I really love every single comment so if you’ve been following this fic or even if you just wanna tell me which lines made you laugh, or even just a keyboard smash, I appreciate you guys so much :-)
> 
> Stay tuned to see vanya eat ice cream and Ben play Minecraft


	9. Day off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggies out? you know what that means!!!! Antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on corona lockdown so prepare for more content

7:30 AM

Luther: another day another...day

Allison: felt that

Five: according to schedule it’s oatmeal this morning

Ben: of course it is

Klaus: and it’s raining

Diego: I have a headache 

Vanya: no today is an INCREDIBLE DAY

Klaus: in what world

Luther: today is trash at least let us mope 

Vanya: NO BECAUSE

vanya: ok so you know how people treat me like I’m invisible 

Allison: mhm

Diego: yeah

Vanya: well apparently it had eavesdropping perks because I overheard dad on the phone last night

Five: cool did we ask

Vanya: NO he was calling someone to arrange an APPOINTMENT 

Vanya: APPARENTLY he’ll be out today on a BUSINESS TRIP

Klaus: WHAT

Allison: REALLY?

Luther: are you sure? The last time dad went on a business trip was like, two years ago

Vanya: let’s see what happens at breakfast 

Diego: and suddenly my will to live is restored!

Ben: thanks comrade for my hit of seratonin

Luther: how were we ever not friends with vanya? I can’t remember how the group functions in her absence 

Vanya: BITCH 🥺

Ben: soft luther soft luther soft luther sof

Allison: can someone please walk downstairs with me i cant deal with pogo this early

Five: yeah sure

Allison: thanksss

Vanya: im heading down as well

Klaus: wait ill come

Diego: same

Luther: wait im here

Allison: guess we’re going as a group

Ben: whathefuck

Luther: DO WE SIT??

Five: i mean its oatmeal, just like we said

Vanya: sure but we were kind of expecting him to BE HERE

Allison: did he just dip

Klaus: i think he left at night???

Klaus: SHET pogo is coming to talk to us

Five: im gonna sit

Vanya: D o n t 

Luther: we havent gotten permission yet

Diego: god,,,rebel

Five: im sitting, its happening

Five: FUCKG

Diego: LMFAOOKOOOOIGGFFDD

Allison: YOUR FACE

Vanya: HAHA

Luther: man fuck pogo

Five: HE SCARED ME

Klaus: MASTER FIVE GOOD MORNING

Ben: LMFAO

Vanya: wait hes gonna explain  
——————  
8:15  
Vanya: cool i was not expecting that

Luther: me neither being off the schedule feels weird

Klaus: WE HAVE A DAY OFF JUST ENJOY IT

Ben: so basically?, just enjoy it. Just ENJOY it

Five: ok ok um what do we do???

Allison: HIDE AND SEEK

Diego: five has to be it because otherwise he cheats

Luther: yeah you just jump 

Klaus: ^^

Five: fine FINE you have 5 minutes to hide  
————  
8:20  
Luther: number two hargreeves i swear to FUCK

Ben: breakin out the full names huh

Diego: WHAT is your problem

Luther: youre crunching!!!!

Allison: are you guys hiding together

Luther: yes and hes eating cool ranch doritos extremely loud

Diego: jealous

Luther: youre an idiot

Allison: i hear fives footsteps

Klaus: lmao tiny footsteps

Vanya: hes a short bitch

Ben: VANYA HAHSGAS

Klaus: Damn I’ve been found 😳

Allison: ha loser

Allison: oh wait shit

Luther: screw you five

Diego: we have been got 💀🔫

Allison: whos left

Luther: vanya and Ben 

Klaus: it’s literally been forever where are they hiding

Diego: idk he’s looking

Allison: why is five screaming in the kitchen 

Five: I FOUND THEM

Five: THEY WERENT EVEN HIDING

five: VANYA WAS EATING ICECREAM AND BEN WAS PLAYING MINECRAFT ON HIS PHONE

Vanya: LMAOOO

Ben: 😳👉👈 creeper 

Klaus: aw man

Diego: vanya where did you get ICECREAM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment who you want to have more screentime because I wanna be sure I write the kids equal amounts :)


	10. Blaze it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im not gonna spoil the joke i just hope this makes you laugh, or at least exhale through your nose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on corona lockdown ;)

4:20 AM

Klaus: blaze it

Vanya: lmao

Five: smoke grass sled fast

Ben: eat ass  
————————  
7:30 AM

Allison: can I ask what you were all doing up at 4 in the morning

Luther: why werent you asleep

Ben: the past doesnt wait for the future

Luther: that doesnt even make sense

Klaus: dude stop getting philosophical in front of the hoes

Diego: are we the hoes????

Ben: yes

Klaus: me ben and vanya are pimps

Klaus: the rest of yall are hoes

Five: wow

Allison: ASDFJKLS

Luther: im cant breathe

Diego: CRYINF

Five: cmon im not a hoe

Vanya: you are a certified hoe

Diego: hes legally a hoe

Allison: on his birth certificate where you put male or female it just says hoe

Klaus: no gender only hoe

Ben: do we even have birth certificates??

Five: oh shit wait

Luther: wait holdup do we

Vanya: yooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime i get a comment it confirms that people want more chapters so thanks everyone


	11. Dream time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll know that dream song from shark boy and lava girl??? Yeah that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally read back over this fic and laughed I’m having so much fun writing this

11:09 PM

Ben: we probably don’t have birth certificates but if we did they’d have our numbers on them instead of our names

Luther: holy fuck

Luther: so lemme get this straight

Klaus: bitch you’re not getting anything straight with me

Vanya: mood

Five: same 

Ben: me

Diego: felt that

Allison: what are you all talking about??

Klaus: smh  
—————————  
12:03 AM

Diego: woah what the fuck

Diego: I just woke up from the weirdest dream

Vanya: what’s the plot

Diego: so basically I was in school

Luther: we don’t go to school

Diego: it was a dream, Luther.

Klaus: hhh

Diego: and the bell rang so I went to leave but the door was stuck

Allison: okay

Diego: so I teleported outside

Five: hey what

Five: what the fuck that’s my thing you can’t do that

Diego: it was a dream, Five.

Ben: continue

Diego: okay so then I’m outside and I’m standing on a beach, facing the ocean

Luther: but we’ve never been to the ocean

Diego: it was a DREAM, LUTHER.

klaus: is there more 

Diego: yeah so I got into a boat and sailed away

Five: you can’t sail

Diego: IT WAS A D R E A M , FIVE.

Allison: wow

Diego: but no matter where I went I just kept sailing back around to the academy

Five: the academy isn’t near water

Luther: you can’t sail around an ocean in random directions to find the same place

Diego: LUTHER. FIVE. IT WAS A DREAM

Vanya: those two don’t have dreams

Allison: LMAO

Ben: wow cant believe vanya killed 5 and 1

Luther: Ben did you just call me one

Ben: hgdvgdsg it’s shorter to type I’m sorry

Klaus: SCREAMING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on quarantine so buckle up for more updates. Check this fic frequently you might be surprised with fresh TRASH 🤩


	12. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are on a mission and text vanya. Ben takes a long ass shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna clarify: Allison and Luther are written here as best friends not incest you weirdos. Oughdfjgdasbd okay carry on

1:26 PM

Luther: this is awful

Klaus: yeah I know Ben is kicking my seet 

Luther: no I mean by the time we get there it’ll probably be too late

Luther: did you just say seet?? It’s seat

Vanya: WHAT is going on

Vanya: aren’t y’all supposed to be on a mission???

Allison: we’re stuck in traffic

Vanya: is that allowed

Allison: I guess?

Five: if dad had a more efficient mode of transportation than “piling six kids into a car” then we wouldn’t have this problem

Diego: aw come on five, you don’t like the Umbrella Mobile?

Ben: LMFAOOO

Luther: magic school bus but it’s this

Vanya: wait so is dad driving?

Allison: god no

Five: he has a driver

Ben: I don’t think dad can drive

Five: why not

Ben: would a person who can drive adopt seven children?? Idk it just has “I can’t drive” energy

Diego: THATS SO SPECIFIC WHATSDDS

Allison: is he wrong tho

Klaus: prerty accurate

Five: why can’t you type

Klaus: why csby you shit yout fuck up  
———————————-  
4:03 PM

Luther: we r on our way home

Vanya: oh great

Vanya: how did it go

Diego: it was fine

Luther: Diego and I are the only ones awake though

Vanya: aw wait you guys sleep on the way back from missions

Diego: yeah I mean it’s tiring stuff

Vanya: is that why you all walk in looking like you don’t know what dimension this is

Luther: basically

Luther: if I have to carry someone in again I’m going to riot

Diego: what if its Ben or Allison 

Luther: they’re an exception

Vanya: why

Luther: well Allison is my best friend

Luther: and I’m not gonna wake Ben up 

Vanya: valid

Diego: I don’t understand why some of you guys pick best friends. I hate all of you equally

Luther: shut   
———————————-  
5:32

Vanya: hi yes I understand everyone is very tired from that mission but if I’m the only one at dinner again I’m gonna lose my shit

Diego: fine. FINE.

Allison: waking up

Five: fuck you amn sleepingf instead 

Vanya: I will frown at you

Five: FINE AM UP

Klaus: Ben is in the shower

Luther: still?

Five: yeah he’s a messy boy

Vanya: five you need food 

Five: pobably 

Allison: aww is Kyle hungry

Five: DONT

Vanya: omfg do

Klaus: LMAOO NOOO HES FINNA SNAP

Five: ALLIEON IM GONNAA FUCKINHGD KILL YOU

Allison: sure you are ykubgddssss 

Luther: he killed her

Ben: I leave for TEN MINUTES and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reginald on Amazon buying seven pairs of knee socks for the kids uniforms


	13. Snippets of conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter before a nice long one, this is just to hold you guys over but I promise it’s not filler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you all find this fic. I don’t understand what you searched for this to come up.

6:30 AM

Diego: pullin out the coupe at the lot

Luther: told em fuck twelve fuck swat

Allison: bustin all the bales out the box

Diego: I just hit a lick with the box

Allison: had to put the stick in the box

Luther: pour up the whole damn seal 

Diego: imma get laaaazy 

Allison: I got the mojo deals

Diego: we been trapping like the 80s  
———————-  
7:03 AM

Ben: do you guys accept constructive criticism 

Luther: no

Allison: ^^

Diego: ^^^  
——————-  
12:42 PM

Klaus: I just think life would be better if you could curse on the news

Vanya: like the videos they show?

Klaus: no the reporters themselves 

Diego: “we got a big fucken crash on the highway”

Five: you actually can curse on the news

Vanya: really???

Five: yeah you’ll get fired but you can do it

Klaus: LMAO shut up  
———————————-  
11:09

Ben: if your name is 3+2 don’t talk to me

Allison: are you guys still fighting

Ben: YES

Five: IM CORRECT

Ben: YOURE A LIAR AND A COWARD

Luther: ok. Conflict resolution. Let’s see.

Luther: comrade, any ideas?

Vanya: what are they even fighting about

Diego: wether or not the berenstein bears can be classified as good literature

Vanya: the childrens books?

Ben: THEY WERE INCREDIBLE

five: MEDIOCRE AT B E S T 

Klaus: no thoughts head empty

Five: first of all the dad character was so fuxkibg annoying

Ben: he was charming!

Five: HE WAS A SLACKER, BENJAMIN

Allison: i hate you guys

Luther: just wrestle like diego and i, im sick of this

Diego: yeah do what luther and i do

Vanya: do NOT copy the first two

Klaus: THE FIRST TWO?? 💀💀

Vanya: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the mausoleum: who was buried in there,??? Did Reginald buy a graveyard???he must’ve!!


	14. Hi guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a note

I made a tumblr like three minutes ago so go follow that if you wanna bother me on tumblr, please do, it’s chapstick-chimp.

And then I have two side blogs, one for the umbrella academy called tua-koffee 

And one for IT called mr-junior-mints.

Here’s the thing: I made the IT blog first so that’s the only one with followers, and it has the most content, and then I made the TUA blog afterwards which has no followers but a lot of jokes so if you like my umbrella academy humor then check that out. Okay thanks everyone!


	15. April Fool’s Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s April fools day at the academy, god help us all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some good fucking food!! I told you guys you’d get your long funny chapter, and here it is. I put a lot of effort into this so I hope it makes someone laugh.

6:30 AM

Diego: Luther really does the stupidest shit imaginable all the time and just gets away with it

Allison: why are you attacking him

Diego: he knows what he did

Vanya: Luther what’d you do

Luther: ITS APRIL FOOLS DAY

Diego: the only fool I see is you

Ben: wait did he prank you

Diego: you can’t really call it a prank it’s more like a war crime

Luther: its a perfect prank!

Diego: you put BEANS in my UNDERWEAR 

Five: WHAT THE SHIT

Allison: please tell me you didn’t prank the rest of us

Luther: you all have your own pranks that will take place throughout the day

Klaus: I’m getting real Five energy here

Ben: same

Vanya: no because five could come up with something better than vegetable pants 

Diego: bean underwear 

Vanya: whatever

Luther: are you saying you don’t like the beanderwear? 

Diego: FUCK YOUUUUU

Ben: can we please. Just one normal day.

Klaus: this is a normal day for us 

Allison: I beg to differ 

Klaus: then beg

Five: ,,,beanderwear 

Luther: yeah and what about it

Five: it’s an atrocity 🧃 

Luther: APPLE JUICE????

Five: TYPO

Vanya: I’m so scared to see what “pranks” he prepared for us 

Luther: 😀

Diego: choke  
———————————  
7:24 AM

Allison: Luther Hargreeves Is A MotherFucker

Ben: do you have something to share with the class

Allison: he emptied out all my chapsticks

Allison: just twisted them all the way up, broke off the whole stick, and then closed the tube

Luther: pranked

Allison: I’m going to end you

Klaus: her lips are dry but her heart is wet with rage

Five: her heart is WHAT

Vanya: tell me you did not just say ‘wet with rage’

Diego: Klaus is banned from speaking 💀

Klaus: 😩

Ben: I can HEAR Alli storming down the stairs

Allison: AM ANGERY

Five: really not looking forward to seeing you all at breakfast

Diego: no I wanna see how this plays out

Five: bean boy

Vanya: I’m just gonna go downstairs and hope it’s not oatmeal.  
———————————-  
8:34 AM

Diego: ok wait so who hasn’t been pranked yet

Luther: vanya, klaus, Ben, and five

Ben: god just end my suffering

Vanya: oatmeal for breakfast was enough of a prank for me I’m done

Allison: dont you have lessons 

Vanya: oh shoot yeah. Keep me posted

Allison: sure

Diego: go play the violin and we’ll text you when someone gets got

Ben: if I get pranked during sparring I WILL go apeshit

Allison: go pogo on his ass

Luther: I’m stronger than u

Diego: bitch

Klaus: stronk

Five: oh lawd can we not do this

Ben: PLEASE let this be a normal field trip

Allison: with the frizz???

Luther: NO WAY!!  
——————————-  
1:35 PM

Ben: ONE

Ben: IM GONNA FUCXING KILL YOU

Vanya: when he’s so mad that he uses the numbers

Ben: STFU SEVEN

Vanya: aight 😳

Five: wait okay what happened

Ben: I WAS IN THE SHOWER

Allison: oh Lmao did he switch the water to cold or something 

Ben: HE SWITCHED IT TO H O T 

Vanya: NOOOO OHM GOD

Ben: IM IN PAIN

Allison: Luther,,, you dumbass

Luther: 😂 

Ben: am gonna kill you in your sleep

Luther: 😂😂please do😂😂birth is a curse😂😂 and existence is a prison😂

Klaus: BWAHAHAHA 

Vanya: NNGHFNGHFNHG 

Five: I’m WEEPING

Ben: no! You don’t get away with this just because you made the funny siblings laugh!!

Vanya: that sent me into ORBIT

Five: MY LUNGSSS

Diego: why are 5, vanya and klaus the funny siblings

Diego: actually I get that

Luther: I made them laugh just let me have this

Allison: after dinner you’re getting jumped 

Luther: 🤩 sweet release of death✊🤪

Five: I’m begging you to stop, I have special training with dad and I can’t stop LAUGHINNGG  
————————  
4:31 PM

Klaus: dad is the monopoly man  
—————————  
6:50 PM

Ben: I bet someone gets pranked at dinner

Klaus: why did nobody respond to my message earlier 

Allison: I didn’t wanna dignify it with a response 

Vanya: AAAAAAÄ

Five: uh oh

Vanya: I WENT TO BRUSH MY HAIR BEFORW DINNER, OKAY??

vanya: AND MY BRISH WAS COVERED IN SOMETHING STICJY

vanya: I ACCIDENTALLY JUST BRUSHED IT INTO MY HAIR FUCKKICK

Vanya: LITHER WHAT DID U PUT IN MY BRISH

Five: Lither

Luther: I put your violin honey

Ben: her WHAY

Vanya: ROSIN????

Allison: shittt

Vanya: IT LOOKS. AWFUL ITS NOT COMING OUT

Allison: ok I’m omw what bathroom are you in

Vanya: THE SECOND FLOOR ONE BY DIEGOS ROOM

Allison: okkk comingf 

Luther: wait is it bad

Diego: do you feel REMORSE, FUCKER?

Luther: wait vanya I’m sorry I didn’t think it would mess her hair up too bad 

Vanya: CHOKE

Allison: it’s not coming out fucj 

Five: coming

Allison: thx 

Diego: why is FIVE helping??

Vanya: five knows what he’s doing with hair

Allison: he also maintains his hair. He has nice hair.

Five: wow thanks

Ben: WHAT ABOUT TE REST OF US???

Vanya: Luther doesn’t know what he’s doing

Luther: true

Vanya: Diego washes his hair with body soap

Diego: wait is that bad??

Vanya: klaus destroyed his with hair chalk

Vanya: and Ben just doesn’t brush his hair

Ben: I DONT NEED TOO

Allison: so five isnt insanely skilled he’s just the most qualified by default

Five: I’ll take it

Diego: this is insane I’m out

Diego: see you all at dinner

vanya: hate you

Diego: right back atcha buckaroo 

Luther: my fav meme is when Diego and vanya pretend to hate each other

Ben: same

Allison: ^^

Diego: WHAT

Vanya: we DO hate each other!!

Five: THATS such a lie shut up

Ben: every meal when someone speaks its you two shooting each other looks and making each other laugh

Vanya: enemies that get along, then

Diego: yeah vanya’s right

Five: can they hear themselves  
—————————  
7:20 PM

Luther: well this has been fun!!

Allison: ?

Luther: the pranks are all done now, you can chill

Vanya: wait a damn minute

Diego: you didnt prank klaus or five!!

Ben: yo what the fuck Luther

Allison: where are those two anyways

Luther: i think theyre watching youtube videos in the kitchen

Vanya: those stupid vine comps?

Diego: i hate five and klaus real talk

Vanya: lmfao ME

Five: ooga

Klaus: booga

Allison: BITCH TF???

Luther: you two make the most mischeif and youre always together planning some shit

Five: facts 💀

Klaus: oof the callout

Luther: so i decides to prank you together!

Diego: “I decides”

Five: wait what

Klaus: wig we never got pranked

Luther: oh but you did

Vanya: I’m scared

Ben: the plot thickens

Five: ..?

Klaus: oh god oh fuck

Diego: I’m sweating just tell us

Ben: this is making me ANXIOUS 

Luther: I switched your clothes

Five: we wear uniforms you dumb shit

Luther: but you’re much smaller than klaus

Luther: the uniform was the perfect thing, you wouldn’t notice the difference 

Luther: if you look at what you’re wearing now, you’ll realize that fives clothes are super baggy and klaus’es look too tight

Five: WHAT THE FUCK

Klaus: AAAAAAAAAAÄ

Luther: THE PERFECT CRIME

Diego: WHATHHE SHITT

vanya: JDSNNJFSSHF

Allison: HOW MUCH PLANNING WENT INTO THIS

Luther: TOO MUCH

Ben: KNGFFDFHGSA

Luther: APRIL FOOLS, BITCHES

Luther: gn ily 💞

Diego: I just got whiplash 

Klaus: five is crying

Ben: LMFAO

Five: is noft funnyg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me making klaus and five best friends as well as Diego and vanya: I run this town
> 
> Also let’s be honest, Diego and vanya friendship is good for the SOUL
> 
> Thanks for everyone who visited my tumblr LMAOO love ya’ll


	16. Scented Candles and Sibling bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have another chapter coming out later today so stay tuned and stay healthy, loves!
> 
> I will NOT be putting corona jokes in this work because we’ve all had enough of that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you all find this fic I’m honest to god serious did you search for it or did you see it in a tag or

12:15 AM

Diego: hello FBI I’d like to report a bruh moment

Luther: what happened

Diego: i rolled out of bed onto the floor

Vanya: mood

Klaus: pull the lever kronk

Allison: why cant i sleep

Klaus: wrong lever kronk

Five: is that..a reference to emperor’s new groove

Ben: tf?? Im up?? Tf,,??

Five: i am NOT in the mood to go to work tomorrow

Diego: to...work?

Luther: he means training

Ben: what would happen if none of us got up tomorrow

Diego: we’d be killed

Five: “she’s resting”

Klaus: “she’s died”

Vanya: FUCJ

Ben: ¿

Vanya: OW OUCH OH SHIT OW

Luther: !! Are you okay? Are you hurt!?

Allison: she got a paper cut

Five: hasn’t she suffered enough

Vanya: 😿

Diego: klaus is like,,the opposite of vanya, I think

Luther: the vanya antithesis

Klaus: vanyn’t 

Vanya: vanYEET

Allison: I heard a rumor you didn’t say that

Ben: I want French fries

Diego: same

Vanya: five you can teleport 

Klaus: @five get us some fries

Five: okay here’s the plan

Five: shut the fuck up

Allison: WOOOOOW

Luther: in other news! the new candle I got is nice

Allison: where did you get a candle

Luther: I kept making jokes about the room feeling colder whenever dad walks in but mom took me seriously and got me a candle

Ben: 🥺🥺🥺 MOM

Five: what does it smell like?

Luther: it smells like flower pedals, but I think the actual name is “lavender cented” or something 

Five: BRÜH 💀💀💀 you can’t spell for shit huh

Allison: Luther you’re LITERALLY dyslexic

Vanya: he could very well have undiagnosed dyslexia, not that dad would care

Luther: stop dragging me 😔

Diego: you’re so dyslexic you make your bed backwards

Luther: THAT WAS ONE TIME OKAY

Allison: 😭😭

Five: you’re so dyslexic, you got the horses in the FRONT

Vanya: FIVE was that an old town road joke 🔪 

Diego: THERES A KNIFE EMOJI??

Diego: 🔪 🔪🔪🔪🔪

Vanya: 🎻 🎻🎻

Allison: ooh fun okay 

Allison: 🗣🗣🗣

Klaus: hm

Klaus: 👻 👻👻👻

Ben: 🦑 

Vanya: LMFAO BEN

Luther: my turn!

Luther: 🕯 🕯🕯

Diego: IS THAT THE FUCKING SCENTED CANDLE IM SCREAMING

Klaus: LMFAOOO

Vanya: five where’s yours

Five: ÄHH I can’t find a good one

Allison: oh I found one for you

Allison: 🤡 

Five: you know what, rumor? You know what?

Ben: top ten saddest anime deaths 

Luther: can’t believe alli killed five 😔rip

Diego: wow get GOT 

Five: Allison Hargreeves your room is down the hall from mine DONT make me come snatch your weave

Allison: I’d like to see you TRY

Diego: ooh things are heating up on the third floor

Ben: ofc they are, all the odd numbers have bedrooms on the 3rd floor and we know NONE OF ya’ll have any chill

Five: I mean 

Luther: I guess

Allison: yeah honestly 

Vanya: pretty much

Ben: catch me calmly relaxing in my bedroom on the second floor, not going apeshit

Vanya: Diego, klaus, and Ben is an interesting combination 

Five: woah I’m just now realizing the room thing is organized based on odds and evens

Five: did you guys know this??

Diego: ...yeah

Vanya: for a genius, you really are stupid

Five: my subconscious is very complex 😌

Diego: its a good thing none of us are mind readers, can you imagine that

Allison: omg 

Klaus: what would a mind reader say if they saw the inside of my head???

Ben: “Damn bitch you live like this?”

Luther: I’d prefer not to see the inside of Klaus’s head tbh

Diego: ^^

Five: ^^^

Vanya: ^^^^

Ben: ^^^^^

Klaus: ok I get it

Diego: HAHA FUCK YOU LUTHER

Luther: GOD DAMN YOU

Allison: ????

Diego: we’re playing clash royale and I just beat him yet again

Luther: 💀

Allison: R.I.P. Luther 

Ben: I’m going to sleep and ya’ll should too

Five: ugh fine 

Allison: I guess

Diego: 🔪  
———————————-  
6:30 AM

Ben: what a wonderful day to hate dad

Klaus: MOOD

Vanya: Alli are u awake

Allison: unfortunately. Why

Vanya: 😳👉👈 u know how you said if i ever had an interest in makeup that you’d do it for me

Allison: OMG

vanya: :))

Klaus: this is the cutest shit ive ever seen

Diego: on goddd

Ben: get me a sibling relationship like that

Five: do you want us to do your makeup, ben

Luther: LOL

Vanya: lmk when youre dressed and ill come to your room

Allison: ok im ready 😊 this is so much fun

Five: the birds outside my window are chirping loud af its too early for this

Luther: maybe if you slept at a reasonable time you’d be able to cope

Diego: five what do you even do all night

Klaus: I’m gonna tell them

Five: DONT you dare

Klaus: IM GONNA DO IT

Five: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, DANNY PHANTOM RIP OFF

Klaus: just for that?

Klaus: he plays stack the states on his phone

Ben: HAHAHAHA

Luther: what is that

Diego: IS THAT THE EDUCATIONAL KIDS GAME

Five: ITS A FUN APP OKAY

Luther: omg wait like brain pop? You stay up playing the equivalent of Tim and moby games?

Five: 😭

Allison: ya’ll can’t WAIT to see your sister today at breakfast

Vanya: 😌

Klaus: omg send PIC

Vanya: its just like, lip gloss and concealer

Allison: you look beautiful 

Five: ya’ll too sweet I’m gonna get diabetes 

Diego: yeah from the fucking marshmallow sandwich abominations 

Ben: vanya I’m sure you look great!!

Vanya: I’m nervous dad is gonna get mad

Luther: you know what? I’ll back you up 

Diego: we all will

Vanya: ya’ll I- 🥺

Five: we’re gonna be LATE

Ben: I’m runnin I’m running I’m runnin  
——————————  
8:47 AM

Vanya: not as bad as it could have been

Vanya: mom liked it

Klaus: NUMBA SEVEN 🧐 ARE YOU WEARING COSMETICS

Allison: LMAOOO 

Vanya: dad is coming up to me hold on 

Luther: where are you

Vanya: my room I was about to begin playing

Luther: do you need us to come get you

Klaus: she’ll be fine, lex luthor

Ben: I’m sure it’s nothing butttt we’re waiting at the bottom of the stairs 

Vanya: ok he’s gone 

Five: what happened???

Vanya: apparently I get to sit in on training today? With my lil clipboard and stop watch 

Ben: stop watch?

Allison: AW SHIT ARE WE RACING UP THE GODDAMN STAIRS AGAIN

Diego: FUUCK

Five: YAY

Luther: you ALWAYS CHEAT

Five: dad says I ADAPT

Allison: dad also calls us numbers

Vanya: Kyle

Vanya: ok I’m coming down

Vanya: HGHHG WHATS WITH THE TRACK SUITS

Ben: its what we wear for training

Klaus: its an atrocity we know

Five: ok but it’ll be fun to have you at training 

Diego: you and your cosmetics 💄 🧐

Vanya: lmaooooo  
———————-  
11:15

Vanya: the amount of mental willpower it takes to use the numbers and not your names is exhausting

Diego: this is what we deal with every day

Ben: “Di-..two”

Diego: “Luth-..one”

Vanya: “five..five”

Klaus: KHNGKJGJKG

Five: LMFAOOO

Allison: I’m so hungryyyy

Vanya: lunch is soon

Luther: what did you think of training so far

Vanya: scary

Klaus: mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All seven of these kids are valid


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sibling bonding sorry Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late I have been so busy

1:26 PM

Klaus: Danny phantom was only 14

Klaus: when his parents built a very strange machine

Klaus: it was designed to view a world unseen

Klaus: he’s gonna catch em all cuz-

Klaus: do ya’ll even know this song?

Luther: ngl I never know what the fuck is going on like, ever

Diego: idk what that’s from either

Klaus: seriously?? Cinco, Benny boy?

Ben: sorry

Five: yeah uh

Vanya: klaus what

Allison: CATCH EM ALL CUZ HES DANNY PHANTOM

Klaus: YES

Allison: WHEN IT DIDNT QUITE WORK HIS FOLKS JUST QUIT

Ben: what is happening

Klaus: BUT THEN DANNY TOOK A LOOK INSIDE OF IT

Five: are they speaking in cod

Vanya: did they rehearse this???

Allison: THERE WAS A GREAT BIG FLASH

Klaus: EVERYTHING JUST CHANGED

Allison: HIS MOLECULES GOT ALL

Klaus: REARRANGED!!

Allison: PHANTOM PHANTOM

Klaus: YESSSS

five: what was T H A T 

Luther: I think they..bonded??

Diego: the LAST thing we need is Alli and Klaus to become super close

Vanya: ^^

Allison: why

Ben: because you’d be too powerful 

Diego: you guys would probably sew your own uniforms

Five: not to mention her room is directly above his so who knows what they’d do with that

Klaus: Omg ferb I know what we’re gonna do today

Allison: hkjhfjk 

Vanya: you guys are a lethal combination 

Allison: oh yeah?? Well you and Diego are a lethal combination!!

Vanya: HOW??

Diego: WE’RE GREAT TOGETHER 

Five: yeah but you guys destroy everything in your path. I’m surprised you haven’t teamed up to kill dad yet.

Vanya: bro 👀 we should!!

Diego: bro👀 good idea

Five: lethal 👏 combination 

Diego: ok you know who else is a lethal combination?! Five and Luther

Allison: ACCURATE

Klaus: facts

Vanya: no cap

Diego: literally

Five: what

Luther: why are you all agreeing with this

Allison: its a factual statement 

Five: explain??

Vanya: gladly 

Diego: you two rarely team up but when you do you’re a solid unit who could probably run the academy together 

Luther: Damn

Five: Lmao I guess so

Vanya: so that’s all the lethal pairings

Ben: FUCK YOU GUYS

Luther: OH NO

Klaus: SHIT WE FORGOT BEN LMFAOOO

Vanya: HOW DOES IT FEEL

Ben: OHM HOD VA YA

Five: put away your phones and shit up

Vanya: or you could just mute the chat 

Luther: yeah what’s your problem 

Diego: five aren’t you supposed to be doing tutoring with pogo rn

Five: PUT AWAY UOUR PHONES IDIOTS

Allison: don’t tell us what to do

Five: OMFG DAD IS COMING YOU BRAINLESS RATS

Klaus: O H 

Allison: jjgklhh sorry cinco   
—————————————-  
7:30 PM

Ben: ya’ll 

Klaus: what

Luther: whatsup 

Ben: I saw dad in his office 

Vanya: oh lawd

Ben: writing in that damn notebook

Ben: and I’m starting to think he’s writing notes about us

Allison: ....yeah..we..yeah

Diego: did you not know that

Klaus: LMFAO

Ben: I just never thought about it!

Vanya: whatd you think it was

Five: his diary 

Allison: 💀💀💀💀

Ben: MHFFKHD

Vanya: LMAO 

Diego: you read it from the beginning and it starts with our adoption

Klaus: dear diary just adopted seven children, wonder what I’ll name them 🧐

Klaus: update, nvm🧐

Luther: HAHAHA

Vanya: dear diary, just found out number three can bend reality to her will Shit is lit 🧐

Allison: SCREming

Luther: ME NEXT

Vanya: dear diary! Number one snapped another pencil today, that mf be hella strong 🧐

Luther: 😭

Diego: omg my turn 

Vanya: dear diary, no powers evident in number two so far however he did hit me in the fucking eye with a chess peice so he’s got good aim 

Diego: ADJKGDD

Klaus: DRAG ME PL E A S E

Vanya: dear diary, number four has too many imaginary friends 

Klaus: HGJKF THE GHOSTS

Five: oh god this could go a number of ways

Vanya: dear diary the children turned ten today and number five still can’t tie his shoes

Five: HEY

five: THAT WASNT EVEN POWERS RELATED

Five: THE LACES ARE HARD I DONT HAVE THE MOTOR SKILLS

Ben: KHGHKHFHH

Luther: LOL

Five: YOU DIDNT COME FOR DIEGOS STUTTER BUT YOU BROUGHT UP THE SHOES??

Diego: LMFAOOOO

Five: OK FUCK YOU

Five: DEAR DIARY, NUMBER SEVEN WONT SUCK IT UP AND EAT OATMEAL LIKE A BIG BOY

vanya: A BIG B O Y ???

Allison: LMFAOOOO

Luther: 😭

Klaus: wow that’s everyone

Ben: YOU FORGOT ME AGAIN

Vanya: shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll if I wrote a fic where grace was a human woman who adopted seven kids and it’s just domestic shit like them going to school and having healthy childhoods would ya’ll read it 😳


	18. Minecraft t-shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my Easter gift for you guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL be making that new fic I’ll put specifics in the bottom notes or whatever they’re called.

4:33 PM

Ben: BRÜH moment ya’ll 

Five: what’s wrong

Ben: we have the interview tomorrow 

Allison: yeah!! I’m excited 

Diego: oh shoot are we gonna get to wear clothes again

Allison: yess I’m thrilled last time they gave me the cutest dress

Luther: they gave me a Minecraft t-shirt

Klaus: I REMEMBER THAT

Vanya: WHY WOULD THE MAGAZINE STAFF DO YOU LIKE THAT

Luther: we were like 8 years old and they just kinda laid out the entire old navy kids section for us

Diego: that interview can burn I hate that they let us do that so young

Vanya: was it not fun?

Diego: it was a fun day but we were young and cringy you can look up the articles to see what we said

Allison: Five’s answers were the best he was such a sassy little kid

Five: jkjgfd 

Ben: ya’ll sleeping on the best part, the reaction to our number names

Luther: YES THAT WAS SO FUNNY

Klaus: throwback to when we got reprimanded for mentioning vanya during an interview 

Vanya: w h a t 

Allison: YEAH we were eleven and klaus slipped up and said your name. Or not your name. But he mentioned “our sister, Seven.”

Klaus: I didn’t get a lollipop on the way home

Diego: seven was kinda a cool name ngl 

Vanya: lmfao stfu 

Luther: he’s right it was kinda badass

Ben: yeah seven was pretty metal

Klaus: we didn’t really like. Know vanya when we were little despite the fact that we’re siblings, so that sucks, but I just realized 

Klaus: we must’ve just been these six kids who she ate meals with she rarely spoke to

Diego: BRÜH wtf

Luther: klaus that’s sad shut up

Vanya: no it’s not sad I mean we’re all close now, plus he’s right I sorta guessed what you guys were like

Five: what were your impressions on us

Allison: oh TEA

Vanya: I remember thinking one was pretty cool, i didn’t know why he was always at the front of the haircut line tho

Luther: WOW

Diego: oh GOD it’s my turn

Vanya: I distinctly remember being a little kid and thinking that number two was a funny name, and that he seemed alright if not a little aggressive 

Diego: facts I guess

Vanya: ALLISON. I WAS INTIMIDATED 

Allison: REALLY?

Vanya: YES, 00.03, YOU WERE SUPER CONFIDENT

Allison: AS A LITTLE KID?? THAT WASNT CONFIDENCE HONEY THAT WAS A LACK OF SELF AWARENESS 

Ben: LMFAOOOO

Vanya: four and five were funny but they were always getting into shit together and it was fun to observe but like ya’ll wanted to DIE die

Klaus; some of the shit we pulled we did not fear death

Five: isn’t death like your whole thing

Klaus: KJFFGH BLOCKED

Vanya: LMAO

Vanya: oh yeah I had spoken to Ben a little but mostly what I knew about him was based on the maple syrup incident

Ben: AGAIN? A-FUCKIN-GAIN??

Diego: BWAHAHAHA

Five: LMFAOOO

Ben: I AM TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE BUT ya’ll KEEP BRINGING IT UP 😩

Vanya: YOU GOT IT EVERYWHERE WE HAVENT BEEN ALLOWED TO HAVE MAPLE SYRUP SINCE

Allison: IM DEADDD

Ben: I hate this family

Vanya: seven kids is too many also our mom is a robot for some reason

Luther: dont forget pogo, the British thing

Diego; T H I N G ??!

Luther: WELL WHAT IS HE, IDK

Klaus: mmmm, monky 

Vanya: kjgfds 

Klaus: our lives should be a sitcom

Luther: like about powers?

Vanya: 🤪

Luther: oh wait sorry

Klaus: no it would be about the fact that there are SEVEN of us and mom is a robot and the monkey butler

Allison: oh so a like a show about a big family

Luther: like full house

Five: I don’t think there was a monkey butler in full house

Klaus: there was definitely a monkey butler in full house

Allison: yeah I think I remember that

Diego: yeah duh the monkey butler five do you not remember him

Five: stop I’m confused 

Ben: Idk about you I DEFINITELY recall the monkey butler 

Vanya: yeah he was my favorite character as a kid five were you even paying attention to the show

Luther: he was probably busy doing meth 

Five: BITCH???

Luther: **MATH

Ben: KNTFKGDDHHES  
———————————  
12:15 AM

Klaus: hi folks guess who just got back from a mausoleum 

Luther: what’s a mausoleum 

Five: dead people house

Vanya: oh lawd 

Klaus: I need like, so much ginger ale rn

Five: ginger ale?

Luther: it’s soothing

Klaus: EXACTLY 

Klaus: its a healing elixir

Vanya: mood

Klaus: why are you all awake

Luther: the three of us are in vanya’s room 

Klaus: what are you even DOING

Five: taking buzzfeed quizzes 

Klaus: you three are not a friend group I saw possible

Vanya: only after midnight sweetheart 😙

Luther: which kind of cake am I 

Luther: I got chocolate 

Five: I got lemon meringue pie so idk wtf us wrong with ME but,,

Klaus: I need to join this squad please

Vanya: I mean yeah bring a blanket

Allison: m awake why y’all text so late whgat th fuckg 

Allison: HHO

Allison: SLEEPOVER??

Luther: LMAO YES PLEAAASSE CAN WE

Vanya: why not 

Luther: alli can you bring the soda

Allison: fuckg yeah bitches

Five: the WHAT

Allison: Luther and I have a blanket fort with a stash of soda in it

Vanya: but you did this for what

Allison: why not 

Vanya: but why 

Allison: why not

Luther: it’s ginger ale

Klaus: FOR REAL??

Five: it’s getting crowded ugh

Klaus: your feet are literally on my lap asshole don’t act so upset

Vanya: you know who would love this

Vanya: Diego 

Vanya: I’m gonna go get him when Allison gets back with the ginger ale stock that she co-owns with Luther for some reason

Diego: which one of you morons is knocking on my door at this hour 

Diego: go AWAY

Vanya: its me

Diego: oh hey

Five: KNGSDJF lmao

Diego: I’m getting Ben while we’re down here

Luther: great

Ben: oh god are five vanya and Luther gonna be a dynamic trio from now on because I don’t think I can handle that 

Luther: we’ll see  
—————————-  
2:01 AM

Vanya: SHH WE’RE BEING SO FUCKINF LOUD HAHAHA

Diego: I tgink we’re sugar high

Klaus: five is sugar LOWWEE

Vanya: LMFAOOO IS HE ASLEEP OVER THERE?

Ben: EITHER TGAT IR DEAD YEAH

Vanya: Allison is passed out on my bed I’m gonna kill her

Diego: have,, mercy

Luther: yes have mercí

Ben: LMFAAOOO WHAT??

Vanya: HAHAHA

Klaus: Luther gets funnier the later it gets

Vanya: wait I have a funny story

Diego: let’s hear it

Vanya: ok so one time  
————————————-  
6:56 AM

Ben: did we really sleep on vanyas floor. Like. We really made that decision.

Five: no decision was made I simply knocked tf out

Vanya: my leg is numb but I don’t wanna wake Diego 

Five: someone take a picture of Luther and klaus before they wake up that’s HYSTERICAL 

Ben: I’m screaming vanya passed out before she finished that story

Five: oh yeah what was the story

Vanya: I literally cannot remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically it’s gonna be an au where the kids don’t have powers and grace is a human woman who adopted them all and it’s just them having domestic, healthy, chaotic childhoods and going to school and visiting the zoo and stuff. Bunk beds will be present.


	19. The expedition of One and Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the hargreeves mansion is an anomaly in itself no cap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back fuckers

7:15 PM

Klaus: do we have a quiz tomorrow 

Vanya: yeah

Klaus: I did NOT do the reading

Diego: stop talking about it that way it sounds like we go to actual school instead of pogo tutoring

Luther: pogo academy. 😔

Five: what is he gonna do if you flunk the test, send a note HOME?? Call our PARENTS???

Klaus: he’ll tell dad

Five: he’ll tell dad you failed your ancient Mesopotamia quiz. So what. If it was up to dad we wouldn’t even HAVE lessons

Ben: shoutout to mom for insisting we get an education 

Allison: imagine we just only did training and never learnt to read or anything

Vanya: like we just never learn to count 

Luther: we almost DIDNT learn to count

Diego: oh yeahhh why was that so hard for us

Five: I think what confused us was the fact that when pogo kept trying to say the numbers, we thought he was calling our names

Vanya: we should have been named alphabetically instead 

Klaus: AHH I HATE THAT

Five: @ the girls I’m gonna need you guys to be quiet I’m trying to read Harry Potter and all I hear is your laughing

Diego: are they in the same room??

Vanya: we’re FaceTiming

Ben: I’m hungryyy I couldn’t eat today at dinner

Diego: same that meatloaf was like rãw

Five: you can probably ask mom for a snack before bed or something 

Vanya: I’m gonna go ask mom for the melatonin gummies, take 3, and exit reality

Klaus: mood

Ben: snack acquired but I don’t think mom knows how human children work and how much food they need

Luther: what

Ben: she gave me a single ritz cracker and I was like can I. Have more?? And she gave me the whole box

Diego: can I have some

Ben: sure I’ll slide some under your door

Diego: Lmao

Diego: LKJKHFJKS

Allison: wh 

Diego: HE ACTUALLY DID IT HE SLID THEM THROUGH IM CRYINNGG

Luther: he has the mind of a mastermind 

Ben: I’m so fucking tired I’m done

Allison: is something wrong? 

Klaus: yeah did something happen :(

Ben: nothing happened I’m just fucking done with all of this shit lmao I’m going to sleep

Vanya: LMAO MEEEE  
———————————-  
12:01 AM

Five: What the fucj is a house elf 

Five: is Draco gay? I feel like he’s gay

Five: why is dumbledore in charge he’s literally no thoughts head empty  
—————————————-  
6:39 AM

Vanya: FIVE were you up all night reading Harry Potter

Five: mhm I regret it actually 😀

Diego: I miss head whig 

Five: who?

Diego: the owl 🦉 

Five: same

Klaus: the saddest death in Harry Potter was my respect for JK Rowling 

Vanya: good morning to you too klaus

Luther: should I read Harry Potter?

Five: YES OMG YOU SHOULD

Five: I have the books in my room I’ll give them to you

Luther: the problem with me reading is like. Sometimes if the print is too small I get confused which line I’m on and my dumbass is like ???😳

Vanya: that doesn’t mean you’re dumb that means you need either larger print or like, reading glasses

Luther: really? Coolio 🤩

Diego: “coolio”

Allison: let him live

Vanya: there is a fly in my room send help

Klaus: no fucking way I hate flies

Vanya: please??? 

Ben: on my way because I’m not a COWARD

Vanya: my hero

Allison: last night I had the most bizzare dream

Luther: tell

Allison: so basically I ordered a pizza to the mansion and dad opened the door and he and the pizza man were arguing because he was like

Allison: I didn’t order a pizza

Allison: and the pizza man was like well who did

Allison: and he just put the pizza inside and we ate it

Luther: can we make that a reality

Diego: I’m gonna keep a running list of things we need to buy

Diego: pizza, reading glasses for Luther, and kids crest toothpaste 

Five: why kids crest toothpaste

Diego: the minty adult stuff hurts my tongue 

Five: can we add paper to the list PLĘÄŠÉ

Five: I JUST WANT A NOTEBOOK ONCE IN MY LIFE

Five: IM SO SICK OF WRITING ON THE FUCKING WALLS

Klaus: I THOUGHT YOU DID THAT FOR THE AESTHETIC ?

Five: NOPE I JUST DONT HAVE PAPER

Klaus: what I want to buy is fairy lights

Allison: ooh good idea

Vanya: we could ask for this stuff for Christmas

Five: we don’t celebrate Christmas 

Vanya: well maybe we SHOULD

Allison: I personally want butterfly clips

Ben: I want maple. Fucking. Syrup.

Diego: blocked and reported   
———————————————-  
10:15 AM

Klaus: VANYA GO OFFFF

Vanya: what 

Klaus: I CAN HEAR YOU PLAYING THAT VIOLIN AND YOURE ACTUALLY INCREDIBLE 

Vanya: I DIDN’T KNOW ya’ll HEARD MEE

Klaus: NO DONT STOP

Allison: do you take song requests 

Vanya: why are you all texting don’t you have training until lunch

Ben: its Five’s personal training day so we’re good

Klaus: oh no

Luther: what’s wrong??

Klaus: we have lessons after lunch and I didn’t study

Diego: DUMBASS

Klaus: too bad the nerd is in special training he could’ve helped

Diego: I’d help but I’m doing speech therapy rn 

Klaus: oh ok make sure you take like, water breaks so that you don’t get too frustrated 

Diego: thanks

Ben: does speech therapy tire you out?

Diego: it kinda just makes me mentally exhausted. Like when you try to do math for long periods of time and it feels like your brain is heating up?

Allison: I know that exact feeling

Luther: hey vanya are you busy rn

Vanya: I mean I’m just doing scales what do you need

Luther: you have small hands, right?

Ben: WHERE THE FUCJ ARE YOU TAKING THAT SENTENCE LUTHER

Vanya: ...I..yeah??

Luther: can you come to my room and help me with something really quick 

Klaus: I’m scared what is this

Allison: YALL CALM DOWN LMAO

Allison: HES MAKING A MODEL PLANE

Vanya: OOHHHHH

Ben: kjfkkjghlfd 

Luther: I don’t have the motor skills for this 

Vanya: lmfao sure gimme one sec

Klaus: what do you do with those model planes anyway

Luther: dont laugh

Luther: I hang them up around my room

Klaus: thats cool I’m not gonna laugh Dw 

Ben: klaus stop bonding with Luther and study 

Klaus: whatever 

Allison: due to personal reasons I will be passing away 😬

Ben: wig what’s up

Allison: I was dancing down the hall and singing to myself and POGO SAW ME 

Vanya: LMAOOOOOO

Allison: IT WAS HUMILIATING 

Vanya: ya’ll we gotta be extra nice to five today when he comes back

Ben: wig?

Luther: vanya and I were walking down the hallway and we heard dad yelling at him to do more of his spatial jump thingies 

Klaus: man personal training days SUCK

Allison: remember the time dad worked him so hard he puked 

Diego: that was the day I started hating dad and I’ve never looked back

Diego: also yes I’ve returned from speech therapy, yes my brain hurts

Ben: mood

Vanya: new issue! We are lost

Luther: we’re not lost we’re just, exploring! I know what I’m doing don’t worry

Vanya: number one hargreeves you are a bad liar

Luther: 😔 we’re lost

Klaus: you’re lost in the HOUSE??

Vanya: ITS AN ENTIRE SQUARE BLOCK OKAY THE HALLWAYS ARE CONFUSING WHEN WE SPEND MOST OF OUR TIME ON ONLY A FEW ROOMS

Allison: how did this happen

Vanya: we were just going for a walk,,,

Diego: number seven hargreeves you are a bad liar

Vanya: 😔 FINE we were trying to find a window with a fire escape

Klaus: but you did this for w h a t 

Luther: we were gonna sit out on it and fly our paper airplanes 

Vanya: so now we’re lost with a bunch of paper airplanes 

Luther: this is fine we’re fine 

Vanya: this is NOT FINE this mansion is probably HAUNTED

Klaus: I can confirm it is definitely haunted 

Luther: I’m not afraid of ghosts!!! We’ll be fine!!!

Vanya: we’re gonna try and find our way back before lunch 

Ben: how big is this fucking house

Diego: too big  
——————————  
11:43 AM

Allison: any updates from Lewis and Clarke 

Vanya: apparently there’s a second library nobody knew about

Diego: you can’t be serious 

Vanya: mysterylibrary.jpeg

Ben: it looks dusty

Luther: it IS

Klaus: library 2 electric boogaloo 

Allison: what’s inside???

Luther: we’re checking 

Vanya: there are empty notebooks here

Klaus: snatch one up for five

Vanya: good idea

Luther: this is like the fucking odyssey 

Ben: are you still in the library v.2

Vanya: no we kept going

Diego: let us know if you find something!  
————————-  
12:01 PM

Five: I want to die

Allison: how was it

Five: mmmhhffdd 

Diego: oof 

Klaus: are you gonna come to lunch

Five: I think I might just sleep

Ben: Luther and Vanya won’t be attending lunch either

Five: ?

Ben: they GONE

Luther: we are lost in the mansion

Vanya: we found you a notebook though

Five: YAY

Five: I’d come get ya’ll via teleportation but I literally cannot move

Luther: I’d come carry you to your room but I’m lost 

Vanya: this isn’t funny anymore

Diego: when was it funny

Vanya: we’ve developed inside jokes in the time we’ve been wandering 

Klaus: not excited to see THAT at lunch 

Luther: OHMGIDOHMOD

Vanya: YESSSS IM FREEEE

Luther: WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFEEE

Allison: what happened ?

Vanya: WE FOUND A WINDOW AND CLIMBED OUT

Luther: NOW WE’RE WALKING OVER TO THE REGULAR ENTRANCE OF THE HOUSE

Vanya: ugh oh my god

Luther: that fundamentally changed me

Vanya: same I’m never leaving my bedroom ever again

Diego: you’re JUST in time for lunch  
————————————-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just. Luther and Vanya friendship??? POWERFULLLL


	20. Hello folks

Hi so I posted the first chapter of the fic I said I was gonna write so go get ya’ll juice I guess 😪


	21. Sibling Culture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben: icon  
> Brain: damaged  
> Five: in the bathroom because klaus licked him  
> Hotel: trivago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK AHAHA y’all I’m proud of this one

7:15 AM

Allison: l u t h e r 

Luther:  😪 I sleep

Allison: WAKE UP 😤

Luther: hUh? What’s that?  😪

Klaus: stop your fucking role play weebs 

Ben: HAHAHA

Luther: fine what do you want Allie

Allison: I’d like to know why YOU HAVE FACEBOOK

Vanya: KNHGKHGDS

Five: oh my göd

Ben: HA DO YOU SHARE MINION MEMES

Diego: Luther is a karen oh my gosh 

Luther: SHUT UP I HAVE IT BECJKHFDD

Vanya: God killed him before he could finish 

Luther: it was actually just five teleporting into my room to take a pair of socks

Five: I don’t have any clean pairs

Luther: fuck you

Ben: wayment,,,,

Vanya: what’s up

Ben: HORTON HEARS A BITCHASS LIAR

Diego: I-

Klaus: things are heating up

Ben: ALLISON

Allison: yes your honor

Ben: how would you know Luther was on Facebook unless YOU have Facebook 

Five: OOOH SHITTT

Allison: FUCK

Klaus: my wig is on a world tour omg

Luther: Ben ily 

Ben: 🍌🎀𝒥𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒𝒹🎀🍌

Allison: what the fuck how did you do that

Klaus: BEN HOW

Ben:  😉

Five: he’s so powerful 

Vanya: on a mission why don’t you have Ben just finesse the enemy

Diego: that’s literally Allison’s power lmao

Allison: broken down to its bare essentials i guess 

Klaus: YESSSS

Five: what

Klaus: ITS SATURDAY WE GET OUR WEEKLY FREE TIME TODAY

Vanya: FUCK YES I GET TO PLAY WITH YOU GUYS INSTEAD OF MOPING AROUND THE HOUSE AND WAITING FOR YALL TO FINISH

Allison: Aw vanya  🥺

Luther: its nearly breakfast time

Klaus: oop 

—————————————

11:15 AM

Ben: just five more minutes and then we’re free

Vanya: ok I’ll be waiting 

Diego: how do ya’ll wanna use free time today

Vanya: shouldn’t you guys be training why are you on your phones

Klaus: Allison and Luther are sparring

Vanya: tea who’s winning 

Klaus: neither because they’re refusing to hit each other it’s so funny dad is pissed

Ben: and five is in the bathroom because numba 4 licked him

Klaus: it was a diversion tactic!! It distracted him!! I won the match

Vanya: K L A U S 

Five: klaus you’re dead to me

Ben: can klaus die?

Diego: what is that a suggestion 

Ben: like he’s kinda between the world of the living and the deceased right ? So can he die

Five: let’s find out

Klaus: blease no

Vanya: if Klaus is immortal I’m done 

Five: Ben stop being smart that’s supposed to be my thing

Diego: ok Allison won the match we’re just gonna get lectured and then we’re done

Allison: I have an idea

Five: there’s a first time for everything!!

Allison: You’re A Little Bitch Boy, Aren’t You

Five: HNNHGHGSK

Ben: LMFAO ALLISON

Vanya: WHY WOULD YOU DO HIM LIKE THAT

Diego: 911 THERES BEEN A MURDER

Luther: what’s your idea?

Allison: we should bake cookies!!

Klaus: YES

Allison: oatmeal raisin?

Vanya: NO

Allison: LMFAO KIDDING

Ben: chocolate chipppp

Diego: agreed

Vanya: meet me in the kitchen I’ll ask mom for the ingredients 

Klaus: on our way except we’re gonna shower first 

Vanya: fineee but hurry I miss you idiots

Five: sibling culture

———————————

12:27 PM

Diego: FUCK YESSSS

Klaus: wig?

Diego: I READ THAT WHOLE LIST OF INGREDIENTS AND DIDNT STUTTER ONCE 

Vanya: WOOHOO

Luther: why are we texting though

Diego: well mom is in the room and I didnt wanna swear in front of her

Klaus: she always gives us ~the look~

Allison: ugh I know exactly what you’re talking about

Klaus: its like “mildly dissatisfied but also shut up”

Ben: SPOT ON LMAO

Five: I’m pretty sure she was programmed that way

Vanya: the look ™️ is part of her coding

Luther: can you guys stop texting because right now it’s just you guys on your phones and me holding a thing of flour

Ben: R.I.P.

Klaus: asdfaghgsdg sorry

——————————

1:42 PM

Allison: I go to the bathroom for two minutes, come back to the kitchen and ya’ll are GONE?

Luther: I told you guys we should have waited

Ben: mom put the cookies in the oven and told us to go play while they bake

Vanya: we’re in the living room

Allison: which one 

Vanya: the one with all the lamps

Allison: omw 

Diego: I may not show it but having six siblings really do be giving me brain damage

Vanya: LNFAJMGFBDS MOOD

Luther: AHAHAHA DIEGOOOO

Five: I MAY NOT SHOW IT BUT VANYA REALLY DO BE GIVING ME BRIAN DAMAGE

Vanya: I won at Mario kart fair and square

Allison: five did you say BRIAN DAMAGE??

Ben: LMFAO WHO THE FUCK IS BRIAN

Five: n o B O D Y 

Klaus: is that your BOYFRIEND

Five: ILL FUCCXGING KILL YOU

Ben: FIGHT FIGHT GHHHGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still writing for the other fic as well dw it’s just taking me a while but it’ll be up soon. I love all these kids. Come hang with me on tumblr! @tua-koffee


	22. The name game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sleeps a lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira if you’re reading this then Hi

2:16 PM

Klaus: cookie time cookie time cookie ti

Vanya: are they ready????

Diego: omfg YES

Luther: cookie!!! Time!!!!

Allison: 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

Five: now?

Klaus: come to the kitchen mom has milk and cookies for us

Diego: AHHH YAYYYY

Ben: what’s going on I was sleeping 

Allison: why were you sleeping it’s not even 3:00 yet

Ben: sleeby 

Allison: oh ofc 

Klaus: @ben hurry before we eat them all

Ben: HHh  
————————————-  
4:20 PM

Klaus: blaze it ✊🤪

Luther: what

Klaus: it means weed

Luther: oh

Luther: weed ☘️

Diego: hmmmfjjds

Klaus: Luther you’re the oldest you should know this

Luther: I’m not the oldest 

Five: nobody’s the oldest 

Ben: yeah we’re like twins but seven

Five: septuplets 

Klaus: he’s the oldest in spirit though

Allison: because he’s One?

Diego: that would make Vanya the youngest

Allison: I can kinda see that

Vanya: what no

Klaus: aww babey

Vanya: NOO >:(

[Luther has changed Vanya’s nickname to Baby]

Baby: LUTHER I H8 YOU

Luther: 🥰

Klaus: LMAOOOO

Five: oh god

[ klaus has changed their nickname to Santa Klaus ]

Santa Klaus: vibes

Baby: oh my god

Luther: klaus you’re a catholic now

Santa Klaus: wait no-

Santa Klaus: five give me something better

[Five has changed Santa Klaus’s nickname to Reggie’s 4th mistake]

Reggie’s 4th mistake: it kinda snaps ngl 

Allison: ASDFJKHDS LMAO

Baby: I’m starting to think we were better off as numbers

[baby has changed Ben’s nickname to Ben 10]

Ben 10: my final form

[diego has changed Luther’s nickname to Dumb Blonde]

Dumb Blonde: HEY

Dumb Blonde: YOU KNOW WHAT

[ Dumb Blonde has changed Diego’s nickname to d-d-diego]

d-d-diego: OH YOU ARE SO DEAD

Reggie’s 4th mistake: LMAO 

Ben 10: I CAN HEAR HIM STOMPING UP THE STAIRS

Dumb Blonde: FUCKG

Five: HAHDHHS RIP IN PEACE LUTHER

Allison: I HATE THIS FAMILY 😭

Dumb Blonde: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, THROW SOMETHING AT ME??

Dumb Blonde: he threw something at me

d-d-diego: it was just a pencil 

Dumb Blonde: IT WAS SHARPENED

Dumb Blonde: YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME

d-d-diego: IF I WANTED IT TO HIT YOU, IT WOULD HAVE HIT YOU

Allison: he’s right

Baby: presidential alert- the girls are fightingggg

Reggie’s 4th mistake: you guys are gonna wake Ben

Allison: WHY IS BEN ASLEEP

Reggie’s 4th mistake: SLEEBY  
———————————————  
7:15 PM

Reggie’s 4th mistake: the department of homeland security has issued a BRÜH moment 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: everything is now legal for 24 hours what do you do

d-d-diego: steal a sports car

Reggie’s 4th mistake: like just to have???

d-d-diego: yuh

Reggie’s 4th mistake: you amaze me

Five: I’d steal animal crossing

Reggie’s 4th mistake: but you did this. For what

Five: vanya wants it

Baby: ^^

d-d-diego: valid 

Allison: I’d kill Ed Sheeran

Five: WHAT THE FUCK HAHAGHS

Allison: I’m so fucking sick of “shape of you”

Dumb Blonde: MOOD

Dumb Blonde: I’d lock dad in his study and take the car,, we could all go on a road trip 

Ben 10: and go where

Dumb Blonde: America 

Five: oooh 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’ve always wanted to go to New York 

Allison: that sounds fun

d-d-diego: there is no way in hell we’d get across the border, not with Klaus in the car

Baby: CRYINF

Five: klaus what do you say when border patrol asks “any drugs or alcohol?”

Reggie’s 4th mistake: no thanks I brought my own

Five: girl I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come bother me on tumblr! @tua-koffee
> 
> I think young Luther deserves rights regardless of everyone’s opinions on grown Luther 
> 
> Also the show is set in Canada right? Please say yes


	23. Again? A-Fuckign-gain?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another bank robbery also Five and Klaus are driving Vanya nuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I actually write these in my notes app

9:22 PM

Baby: literally shut the fuck up

Ben 10: who...who are you addressing

Baby: IDK WHO IT IS BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP HANGING IN RANDOM BEDROOMS

Baby: BUT WHOEVER THEY ARE

Baby:THEYRE LOUD

Dumb Blonde: we’ll it’s not me or Allison, we’re with mom

Allison: mom is removing a splinter from my hand and Luther came for emotional support 😫

d-d-diego: I’m in my room but I’m being quiet

Ben 10: same

Baby: I’m about to be the man behind someone’s slaughter

Allison: that leaves Five and Klaus😗

Baby: those two are actually morons

d-d-diego: 🤭 it is a factual statement 

Dumb Blonde: why aren’t they texting 

Ben 10: maybe their phones are dead?

Baby: no I know their phones aren’t dead because they’re playing noise

Allison: what, like, music?

Baby: idk if you could call it music

d-d-diego: I’m coming up to the third floor I need to understand this

d-d-diego: ok even just standing in the hallway I hear it, it’s the Alvin and the chipmunks cover of ‘Funky Town’

Allison: ASDJKJBG

Ben 10: IM COMING UPSTAIRS

Baby: can you peek into Fives room to see what they’re doing???

d-d-diego : ME LUTHER AND BEN ARE THE ONLY VALID HARGREEVES BROS

Ben 10: THEYRE LIPSYNCING BYEEE

Allison: I hate it here

Five: (☞ຈل͜ຈ)☞

Baby: choke

Reggie’s 4th mistake: /'(´ཀ`)ﬣ∠

Baby: NUMBERS FOUR AND FIVE I HATE YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH

Five: won’t you take me to FUNKY TOWN

Baby: GIRL IM GONNA TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE IF YOU DONT STOP BUT IT AINT GONNA BE FUNKY

Ben 10: AFJJDS JAILL

Allison: chair but make it electric 💀

Dumb Blonde: do you guys ever think about the universe 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I try not to think at all

Baby: what do you mean Luther 

Dumb Blonde: so like the universe is infinite right

Five: theoretically yeah

Dumb Blonde: and like the known universe? What we know? It’s barely anything in the grand scheme of things. Like when you look up in the sky you see stars that have actually died light years ago?

d-d-diego: I don’t see any stars, we live in the city

Allison: this is getting deep 

Five: If everything in the universe were to get 100% bigger right now we wouldn’t notice

Ben 10: FUCKICK YOUR RIGHT

Baby: ah I hate that so much

d-d-diego: unrelated but it’s too hot to sleep

Allison: I KNOW what happened to the air conditioning unit

Baby: it’s dead 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: its ghost follows me around

Ben 10: what does it say

Reggie’s 4th mistake: w h o o s h 💨 

Five: asghjmhgd 

Allison: LMFAO NO GOODNIGHT  
————————————  
1:14 AM

Baby: what the fuckg is gappening why is everyone getting up

Dumb Blonde: go back to sleep it’s fine

Baby: okkey 

d-d-diego: I cannot believe we have a mission at ass o’clock in the morning

Allison: why don’t people commit crime in the afternoon 

Five: I’m gonna throw hands where is my mask

Ben 10: fuck everything 

Dumb Blonde: mom said we can have coffee in the car to wake us up

Reggie’s 4th mistake: YES

d-d-diego: shut yo mouth Luther not everyone is a mornign person

Five: I’m barely a person at all rn

Allison: mood

Ben 10: five are you gonna pull the stapler bullshit again

Five: depends, where are we even going

Allison: we’re getting briefed on the way hurry up 

Dumb Blonde: comingggg   
————————————  
5:21 AM

Reggie’s 4th mistake: capitalism lives to see another day 😌

Allison: literally,, like another bank robbery?? Come up wit something else 

Dumb Blonde: good work everyone!!

d-d-diego: I’m reading backlog and laughing

d-d-diego: Vanya was half awake and Luther said go to sleep and she just agreed

Reggie’s 4th mistake: imagine listening to Luther? Get well soon bitch 

Five: HASHJJGFSY

Ben 10: she’s gonna be confused when she wakes up 

Allison: I’m so jealous of her I wish I was asleep rn 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: you CHOSE to accept that coffee from Mom

Allison: 😔

Ben 10: ok but we did great today ya’ll 

Five: yeah we’re definitely getting a reward this time 

d-d-diego: fuck yes I’m gonna ask for candy 

Dumb Blonde: I’m gonna ask for reading glasses!!

Five: I’m choosing glitter gel pens 

Ben 10: if you don’t share-

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’m gonna ask for legos 

Ben 10: oh god not this again  
————————————  
6:30 AM

Baby: OMG 

Baby: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT FUCK

Baby: IM SORRY I THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM SO I WENT BACK TI SLEEO

d-d-diego: just a mission dw 

Allison: we’re gonna be at Breakfast as well so it’s chill

Five: I’m so hungry oh my god

Reggie’s 4th mistake: SAME and my bones hurt

Dumb Blonde: where is Ben

Five: probably showering off blood or something 

Dumb Blonde: well he’s in for a surprise at breakfast 

Baby: wym?

Five: N O 

d-d-diego : what

Five: ARE YOU SERIOUS

dumb Blonde: YEAH AHJHGGJ

Baby: don’t be shy, explain

Five: MAPLE SYRUPPP

Allison: OMG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh if season two changes things I’m straight up continuing as I was. Fuck that 😭


	24. Shawty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther’s humor is evolving slowly but surely, five can do math but he can’t do anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by crackhead conversations with my friends

7:49 AM

Ben 10: delicious 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: sticky tho

Baby: I fucking love pancakes 

Five: mood

Allison: 🧇

d-d-diego: ok first of all Alli that’s a waffle so jot that down 

Allison: the amount that I DIDNT ask tho

Dumb Blonde: where even is everyone 

Ben 10: the library doing school work 

Dumb Blonde: ok I’m coming

Reggie’s 4th mistake: Ben is gonna do my algebra 

Ben 10: no I’m not fuk u

Reggie’s 4th mistake: UGHHH

d-d-diego: I fucking hate point slope 

Dumb Blonde: vanya I come baring bad news 😔

Baby: oh no

Dumb Blonde: your violin recital got cancelled 

Baby: omg tea sis whatd it do 😳

Reggie’s 4th mistake: ASDHKMHBGDS

Ben 10: I’m putting in my earbuds I can’t listen to you clowns anymore 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I bet he’s listening to Drake again

Ben 10: SHUT UPPP

Five: are you in your feelings Ben

Allison: HAHAHFHHD

Ben 10: U GGUYS ARE JUSTST MEANN

Dumb Blonde: YOUR MUSIC IS INVALID

Baby: SHE SAID DO YOU LOVE ME I TELL HER ONLY PARTLY

Ben 10: IM BEING B U L L I E D 

d-d-diego: drake got me thinking about my ex and I don’t even have an ex 

Five: what YOU need rn is to SOLVE for x

d-d-diego: shut up I’ll get to it

Baby: so anyway I got 516

Allison: same

Five: for which one 

Baby: the third question 

Five: oh yeah same

Ben 10: me too

Dumb Blonde: I GOT 12

Dumb Blonde: I HATE IT HERE

Allison: haggjjgfsfh 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: lmæo

Five: alright I’ll help you just move over

Dumb Blonde: god bless  
———————————-  
11:01 AM

Reggie’s 4th mistake: so uh

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’m supposed to be getting tutored by pogo rn 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: he isn’t showing up??

d-d-diego: make a run for it

Reggie’s 4th mistake: let’s see how fast this monkey can really go

Five: the chase is on

Ben 10: NO WHAT THEFUCK LMAO

Allison: being chased by pogo is like my new worst nightmare thanks Xx

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’m free!!!

Baby: you’re gonna die

Dumb Blonde: five how do you cross multiply 

Five: how many times do I have to teach you this LESSON, OLD MAN

d-d-diego: O L D M A N ? ? 

Allison: well we’ve never seen our birth certificates 

Dumb Blonde: and that makes me, and old man,,

Allison: who’s to say 🥰

Reggie’s 4th mistake: this confirms my THEORY!!

Dumb Blonde: YOUR THEORY????

d-d-diego: Luther is 40 years old confirmed 

Ben 10: it all makes sense now

Dumb Blonde: NO IT DOES N O T 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: JAJAHAHAHKF

Dumb Blonde: IM NOT 40

Baby: hm,,,inch resting,,

Baby: that EXACTLY what a 40 year old would say

Ben 10: what is t h I s 😭

Dumb Blonde: IM NOT OLDDDD

Allison: he will soon return to dust

Ben 10: HAHAJBFSA STONP

Five: farewell number one

Baby: nice knowing you

d-d-diego: LMFAOO SFHHTO  
————————————  
1:12 PM

Dumb Blonde: how come five doesn’t have a name 

Five: we’ve been through this, I’m not gonna be called Kyle

Dumb Blonde: I mean a groupchat name

Five: oh-

Baby: oh yeah

Reggie’s 4th mistake: the old man makes a good point

Dumb Blonde: K L AUS

d-d-diego: here I got one

[ d-d-diego has changed Five’s nickname to five guys ]

Five guys: Aw what 

Baby: LMAO PERFECT

Five guys: Allison doesn’t have a groupchat name either

Dumb Blonde: she doesn’t need one

Baby: yeah listen to Luther, respect your elders

Dumb Blonde: VANYA 

Baby: ADHKHD SORRY

Reggie’s 4th mistake: join the dark side 

Dumb Blonde: you’re actually the worst 

d-d-diego: I thought I was the worst

d-d-diego: please let me have this

Reggie’s 4th mistake: fine, keep your title

Ben 10: wtf does five guys mean

d-d-diego: like the restaurant 

Ben 10: ooooh 

Ben 10: I thought you mean five counted as five guys

Allison: five hardly counts as one guy

Five guys: IM GONGA KILL YOU

Baby: LMAOOO SHORTY

Luther: shawty 

Ben 10: OLKYFUKGFD 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: shawty like a melody in my head 🤩

Five guys: shawty?

d-d-diego: like a melody? In MY head??

Baby: it’s more likely than you think 🤔 

Allison: omfg

Allison: Justin beaver 🤩🦋🌈🧚♀️🥰💅  
—————————————-  
4:20 PM

Dumb Blonde: blaze it

Reggie’s 4th mistake: THATS my boy

Dumb Blonde: 🤩

d-d-diego: shut up

Five Guys: you’re just jealous that you’re not a cool støner like Luther

d-d-diego: ok shawty

Five Guys: sh-shawty 

d-d-diego: YOU BITCH

[d-d-diego has changed Five Guys’s nickname to Five Gays]

Baby: OH MY GOD

Allison: SCREAMINGG

Five Gays: H E Y 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: what is happening HERE

Five Gays: LIES AND SLANDER

Five Gays: I ann conpleteely straighft 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: say that again but slower

Baby: LMFAO GUYS

Five Gays: IMM SRAIFHT

Reggie’s 4th mistake: YOU CANT EVEN TYPE

Allison: HHH

Ben 10: what did I miss?

Ben 10: oh

Ben 10: I see somebody finally told Five he’s gay

Baby: BWAHAHAHA 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: just call me jk Rowling 🦋🥰💅🧚♀️

Five Gays: I’m NOT GAY 😭

Dumb Blonde: oh you’re straight??

Five Gays: !!

Dumb Blonde: name one woman

Five gays: uhhhhhh

Allison: oh my god

Five gays: FUCK YOU PUT ME ON THE SPOTS UMMMM

Ben 10: WO W 

Five Gays: SSSTOP 

Dumb Blonde: you have three seconds left

Five Gays: FUCK ! I’m,,

Five Gays: DIEGO

d-d-diego: W H A T T T ?????

Allison: IM WEEPING

d-d-diego : FIVE YOU IDIOT

Five Gays: I PANICNKKED

Reggie’s 4th mistake: HAHA LUTHER WHY WOULD YOU DO HIM LIKE THAT

Dumb Blonde: I GUESS I THOUGHT HED BE ABLE TO NAME ONE (1) WOMAN

Ben 10: he did his best and that’s all that matters

Baby: he a little confused but he got the spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang with me on Tumblr @tua-koffee


	25. Everyone is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get grace a man 2020!! Also I just started reading pjo and I’m so tempted to give the camp half blood kids a group chat, lmk if you’d read that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season two drops on July 31 or something? Anyways

8:11 PM

d-d-diego: the f in women stands for funny

Baby: shut the fuck up 

d-d-diego: sorry

Reggie’s 4th mistake: BAHAHAHA 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: YOU TELL HIM, V

Allison: 🥰🔫 I have a pimple RIGHT on my nose

Ben 10: same! Twinkie’s

Allison: WHA

Ben 10: ** TWINSIES ASDFGHX

Five Gays: guys 

Allison: what the hell do you want cinco 

Five Gays: your attention

Reggie’s 4th mistake: ok twink you have the floor

Ben 10: ASFFGVCDD 

Five Gays: Mother’s Day is coming up

Five Gays: we should do something 

Allison: where’s Luther, he’s good at planning things

Ben 10: maybe he’s sleeping

Reggie’s 4th mistake: not everyone sleeps constantly Ben, just you 

Ben 10: 😶

Baby: his reading glasses came in the mail so he’s probably reading rn 

Five Gays: Allison can you text him

Allison: why me

Five Gays: he’ll answer you 

Allison: Lmao ok one second 

Dumb Blonde: hi gang

d-d-diego: hey bitch 

d-d-diego: I am so FUCKING MAD

Baby: why

d-d-diego: I haven’t been able to sleep for like two days I’m basically feral

Reggie’s 4th mistake: take melatonin 

d-d-diego: I DO

Baby: Diego is either gonna spirituality ascend or pass out at breakfast 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: who says it can’t be both 

d-d-diego: I’m gonna cry

Reggie’s 4th mistake: lit rally clownery love Xx

Dumb Blonde: we should get mom a boyfriend for Mother’s Day

Allison: WHAT

Baby: wait I’m down 

Ben 10: same

Reggie’s 4th mistake: get mom a mans challenge 

d-d-diego: ok where do we find a guy

Reggie’s 4th mistake: a HOT guy

Baby: idk, Allison do you know??

Allison: let’s make an account on some offbrand tinder website 

Five gays: you do it and send stuff

Allison: fine

Baby: I’m coming to your room 

Allison: YAY

Ben 10: we should get a sugar daddy

Reggie’s 4th mistake: no way mom deserves better

Dumb Blonde: what’s moms first name again

Baby: it’s Grace

Allison: ok so we have our first potential suitor

Baby: his name is Anthony, he’s 30, he likes reading and he’s an accountant 

Ben 10: sounds promising 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: but is he hot 

Baby: I don’t fucking know, you tell me

Baby: Anthony.img

Dumb Blonde: no he is not

d-d-diego: ew next

Allison: LMFAO HARSHH

Allison: next guy is 27, his name is mason

Five Gays: does he have any hobbies

Baby: not really

Baby: mason.img

Five Gays: ok he’s hot

Ben 10: LMAO

Five Gays: but he seems boring next 

Baby: LMFAO this guys name is chad

d-d-diego: HAHAJJDSF REALLY

Baby: MHM

Allison: 26, loves kids and puppies, he does charity work in his free time

Baby: chad.img

Ben 10: ooooh

Dumb Blonde: he sounds perfect!

Five Gays: what does he do for a living?

Allison: he’s a cop

d-d-diego: CANCELLED 

Ben 10: why

d-d-diego: fuck cops. I’d never date a cop.

Dumb Blonde: what if the cop was super nice

d-d-diego: idc I hate them

Five Gays: why

d-d-diego: bad vibes

Reggie’s 4th mistake: you probably think cops are hot

d-d-diego: NO I DONT

Baby: he totally does

Ben 10: he definitely does

Allison: let’s find Diego a cop gf 

Dumb Blonde: or bf

Baby: 💀

Dumb Blonde: I’m just saying whatever he chooses is fine with us

d-d-diego: IMCRYIBGF

Reggie’s 4th mistake: were we supposed to believe Diego was straight

d-d-diego: I hate you so much

Baby: are we wrong

Reggie’s 4th mistake : ...anyways stream sweater weather 

Ben 10: KXSKKNHFD

Five Gays: whatd I miss

Five Gays: oh did Diego come out

d-d-diego: N O ???  
——————————-  
3:00 AM

d-d-diego: I’m bi you win

Baby: congrats ur officially the last to know

Reggie’s 4th mistake: drag him

Baby: since we’re doing this... ah shit 

Baby: I may 😳👉👈 listen to girl in red

Reggie’s 4th mistake: REALLY?? AHH IM SO PROUD OF YOU

Baby: <33333

d-d-diego: idk what that means but <3

Five Gays: it means shes gay

Five Gays: also hi 

d-d-diego: holy shit vanya!! Congrats

Reggie’s 4th mistake: 5 why you lurkin 

Baby: 👀

Five Gays: why YOU lurkin 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: oh right

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’m pansexual 

Baby: idk what that means but I support

Five Gays: same ily Klaus 

d-d-diego: ^^

Baby: sorry five this place is now officially a no heterosexual zone

d-d-diego: yeah you gotta be gæ 2 stæ

Reggie’s 4th mistake: yeah either come out or get out

Five Gays: I’m gay

Reggie’s 4th mistake: WHAT

Five Gays: WHAT

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I WAS KIDDING ARE YOU DEADASS

Five Gays: FUCK LMAO

Baby: MOOD but also yay five we support 

d-d-diego: Lmao 4 of 7 hargreeves arent straight I love that for us 

Five Gays: damn my username checks out

d-d-diego: ok I swear I didn’t plan that

Baby: I’m gonna go to sleep

d-d-diego: I’m already asleep

Five Gays: same

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’m gonna go read the zootopia abortion comic but you guys can have fun sleeping or whatever   
————————————————  
7:30 AM

Ben 10: what the fuck guys

Ben 10: why is there so much back log

Baby: read it 

Ben 10: omg

Dumb Blonde: hold on I’m reading it

Dumb Blonde: oh is that it

d-d-diego: what the fuck do you mean

Dumb Blonde: like am I supposed to be surprised 

Five Gays: a little 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: 💀

Allison: 🕤💋🕤 we been knew guys

Baby: wow

Baby: wait what’s the zootopia abortion comic

Baby: ????

Baby: I’m looking it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok hear me out. I started of headcanoning five as gay because it spiraled from an inside joke I had with someone about Dolores, but then it started growing on me and now it’s a hill I’m willing to die on


	26. Zootopia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandparents? No. WOTAH is wet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuh get into it hope ya’ll enjoy

8:04 AM

Baby: I need to bleach my eyes real quick

Reggie’s 4th mistake: fuck, did you read it?

Baby: MHM🦋💅

Reggie’s 4th mistake: R.I.P. IN PEACE IG

Allison: r..read what.,...

Baby: THE 🙈ZOOTOPIA 😩ABORTION 🧚🏿♂️COMIC💫

Allison: WHAT

Baby: we never even SAW that movie🤮

Dumb Blonde: yes we did

Ben 10: no we didn’t??¿?

d-d-diego: yah we did lol

Ben 10: how come I don’t remember it

Baby: me neither 

Allison: Ben it was playing on the flight to Paris??

Ben 10: I was asleep

Baby: I WASNT there 😭

Five Gays: just mission tingz 

Dumb Blonde: send me the comic

Baby: N0

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I’ll send it

Allison: he’s been typing for a while I’m scared

Dumb Blonde: ⚫️👄⚫️ oh to see without my eyes 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: DFHVDSDHD

d-d-diego: AAAAA I ATE DEODORANT 

Allison: h o w -

d-d-diego: I had it on my fingers and then I went to floss and a chunk fell in my mouth

Five Gays: you will die in 7 days

baby: HHBHB

d-d-diego: my lips are numb 

Allison: shit up please

d-d-diego: no

Allison: I will literally tumor you

d-d-diego: YOULL WHATAT??

Allison: **RUMOR 😭

Dumb Blonde: omg

Reggie’s 4th mistake: prepare to get tumored 🤡

Five Gays: this convo is lowering my IQ

Allison: guys is water wet

Dumb Blonde: yes? Why

Five Gays: water is wet yeah

Ben 10: lmao what kinda question is that

Allison: well I was just saying because

d-d-diego: WATWR ISN NOT WET

Reggie’s 4th mistake: WOTAH ISNOT WAT 

Baby: ITS DRYYYYY ⚫️👄⚫️

Ben 10: WHATTHEFUCK 

Allison: and there it is

Five Gays: water isn’t DRY vanya wtf 

Baby: it’s not wet

Five gays: GIRL YES IT IS

Reggie’s 4th mistake: does that mean fire is BURNT

Five Gays: WATER CANT BE COMPARED TO FIRE YOU CLOWN

Allison: I love disk horse 💿 🐴

d-d-diego: Water isn’t wet it just makes things wet 

Five Gays: THATS incorrect

Dumb Blonde: klaus why should we listen to you didn’t you lick a battery

Reggie’s 4th mistake: DI SAID IT WOULD GIVE ME PUBES

d-d-diego: THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO SHUT UP

Baby: he’s a changed man

Five Gays: again, this convo is lowering my IQ

Allison: why is the sky blue

d-d-diego: I think it’s a reflection of the water

Five Gays: wrong

Reggie’s 4th mistake: the sky is actually green

Allison: THATS A NEW ONE

Ben 10: YEAH ELABORATE 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: no

Baby: roses are red, the sky is not blue

Five Gays: this convo is lowering my IQ

Baby: HAHAHA  
————————————-  
1:35 PM

Allison: GUYS I just had a thought

Five Gays: unbelievable 

Allison: shut your fuck up anyways 

Allison: I wonder what Dad’s middle name is

Ben 10: does dad even have one

Dumb Blonde: do WE have middle names?

Reggie’s 4th mistake: my legal name is Number Four so idk if that makes four my middle name

Baby: ARE YOU IMPLYING ALL OUR FIRST NAMES ARE “NUMBER”

Reggie’s 4th mistake: MAYBE

Ben 10: AHHHHHH

Dumb Blonde: that makes my initials NOH

d-d-diego: I’m NTH

Allison: fuck Diego we have the same initials 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: Five you and me have the same initials, NFH

Baby: Ben and I are both NSH

Five Gays: these suck so much

Ben 10: does dad have parents 

Allison: stop omg

Baby: we do NOT have grandparents 

Dumb Blonde: be cool if we did 😔

Reggie’s 4th mistake: 😔

Five gays: I wish it was legal to eat cereal for every meal

Baby: boy do I have news for you

d-d-diego: lmfao five you’re a dumbass

Allison: thot he was a genius 

Five gays: only in math

Five gays: I’m incompetent everywhere else 

Dumb Blonde: he thought swordfish were a myth just like unicorns 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: REALLY

Five gays: THEY SOUND MADE UP OK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow my tumblr @tua-koffee 
> 
> We like to see it 👁👅👁


	27. City girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg vanya you’re such a crackhead- tea is spilled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klaus *screaming*  
> Five: I love this song

6:30 AM

Ben 10: am ihavingk a fuckinf heart attack

Reggie’s 4th mistake: its teh poison kicking in XD

Baby: omg shut it klaus ben is dying

Ben 10: IM NKT DYING

Dumb Blonde: what’s wrong Ben 

Ben 10: I woke up to my alarm clock and sudden chest pain

Five Gays: so you texted US?

d-d-diego: get well soon ig 👁👄👁

Ben 10: my heart is exploding

Allison: put it in rice 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: this is it😳💀

d-d-diego: his heart said no I am gonna leave 

Allison: and if you call me patient? ✋Make sure to put hospital in front of it 🏥 

Baby: my way my way in the ER 

Ben 10: GUYS

Baby: SORRY LMAO

Dumb Blonde: ig you’ll just die ben 

Ben 10: and ya’ll ok with that 

Dumb Blonde: yeah❤️

d-d-diego: DFGFGHGFDDDVDV

Baby: but fr should we get mom or something 

Ben 10: no ok it’s going away

Five Gays: how much ya’ll wanna bet Klaus isn’t dressed yet

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I gotta stare at the ceiling for a few minutes every morning 

Allison: mood

d-d-diego: Well hurry up, it’s Father’s Day and I’m trying to figure out who we should celebrate 

Baby: dad??

Allison: 🤢

Baby: pogo??

Reggie’s 4th mistake: ✋🤢!!

Five Gays: it’s like the only dad we have is...dad😌

Reggie’s 4th mistake: in a way,...he’s like our dad 😌

Five Gays: he’s almost been like... a dad to us 😌

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I see him as like.. a dad figure 😌

Ben 10: FGHHFFF STOP IT

Dumb Blonde: you two need to stop 🛑 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: this😌one✨is💅🏽for🤷🏾♀️the 💯boys🎾with💍the 🚴booming🏅 system 👩🏾🦱 top 👨🏿🍳ten🎎ac🎆with🥦the👐🏽coolest❄️system

Baby: KLAUS LMAO

Allison: currently craving mini bites muffins

Dumb Blonde: felt that, my favorite kind was the chocolate chip

d-d-diego : really lmao mine was party bites

Ben 10: pártÿ bîtêš

Five Gays: hickeys? No no, party bites 

Ben 10: FIVE SHUT UPPP ÄH

Allison: vanya did you take my mascara 

Baby: no

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I did

Allison: ugh can’t have shit in Detroit, ya’ll gotta buy your own stuff

Reggie’s 4th mistake: but idk anything about brands all I known is how to apply it

d-d-diego: “all I known”

Ben 10: stfu Diego

d-d-diego: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

Ben 10: you were born 😻

Baby: AGHNNKKNJGF

Dumb Blonde: LMAO GUYS WE’RE GONNA BE LATE

Allison: we have to take academy pictures today 🤑

Baby: not meee I’ll be helping mom in the kitchen

Dumb Blonde: then let’s bust a move 

d-d-diego: Chief im gonna need you to never say that again

Dumb Blonde: I thought that said chef and I was like “I can’t cook”  
—————————————  
2:33 PM

Reggie’s 4th mistake: I looked BUMMY

Five Gays: you were literally wearing a mask

Reggie’s 4th mistake: and it was UGLYYY🥴

Allison: I looked GREAT

Ben 10: what’s your secret alli 

Allison: nose highlighter 😼

d-d-diego: pffft like sharpie 

Baby: omg you guys are back finally

Reggie’s 4th mistake: hi!!

Ben 10: are we gonna gloss over the fact that Diego apparently doesn’t know what highliter is

Allison: Luther’s phone is dead but he wants you guys to know that even HE knew what highlighter is

d-d-diego: shutbthe fuck up is a marker 🖍

Baby: I- that’s the crayon emoji

Allison: luther says we are ordered from least to most intelligent 

Ben 10: that makes him the dumbest

Allison: he says he’s okay with that 

d-d-diego: lmao cap? No way klaus is smarter than Allison

Reggie’s 4th mistake: AND WHY NOT

Baby: you licked a battery 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: NO THERES CONTEXT OKAU

Ben 10: LMAO  
——————————  
7:34 PM

Five Gays: I feel like a god

Baby: what now 

Five Gays: I just had like 5 shots of espresso 

Baby: oh my god 

Five Gays: everything is so fast I’m 😻💃

Baby: dumb bitch 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: you rang?

Baby: five is gonna be up for the next decade

d-d-diego: Jesus Christ just do cocaine 

Allison: LMFAOOOO 

Dumb Blonde: this is great

Five Gays: luth er 

Dumb Blonde: yuh 

Five gays: drink with meeee be a good leader 

Allison: hoe don’t do it

Dumb Blonde: EW IT TASTES LIKE MUD

Allison: oh my god

Dumb Blonde: JOIN USSSS

Ben 10: girl don’t do it

Allison: I did it

Ben 10: ya’ll gon be up all NIGHT

Ben 10: I JUST HAD SOME HGDFH 

Baby: wait include me 

Five Gays: come get it

d-d-diego: guess we’re gonna pull a group all nighter   
——————————-  
10:16 PM

Allison: my room be there or be straight

Dumb Blonde: aren’t you straight 

Allison: I wanted to give klaus some motivation 🤷♀️

Reggie’s 4th mistake: IM NOT A STRAGGOT. NOT ME. WRONG BITCH

Five Gays: Omg help Ben is listening to drake again but like really quietly bc of dad 

Baby: PASGHFSAHHS OMW 

d-d-diego: SHHH GUYSSS STOP TALKIBG HES GONNA HEAR US 🙈

Reggie’s 4th mistake: truth or dare over text?

Baby: I’m down!!!

Reggie’s 4th mistake: lmao ofc you are

Five Gays: Vanya is literally down for anything shes such a crackhead 

d-d-diego: I saw her snort a tic tac because klaus promised her a dollar in quarters 

Baby: it’s the years of being suppressed by Reginald thx

Dumb Blonde: vanya isn’t allowed to take any dares bc she has no regard for her personal safety

Baby: anything for the meme 

Allison: hurry up I’m bored

Baby: ok ok BEN truth or dare

Ben 10: dare bitch 

Baby: I dare you to lip sync to act up by city girls

Five Gays: because we know you know all the words

Ben 10: ok get ya’ll cameras ready

Allison: KMKHDCBJFDVDS

d-d-diego: IM CRYINGG

Reggie’s 4th mistake: YUH GET INTO ITTT

Dumb Blonde: HAHNJGFFFD

Baby: OMFG GUYS WE’RE BEING TOO LOUD BAHAGA

Allison: IDC IDC

Five Gays: ACT UP YOU COULD GET SNATCHT UP

Dumb Blonde: PERIODT DIKNFSSJINSSJHS

Ben 10: how was that

d-d-diego: BEAUTIFUL 

Ben 10: MY TURN hmmm FIVE truth or dare 

Five Gays: fuck. Truth?

Ben 10: did you piss on my bed

Five Gays: oh my god

Dumb Blonde: ???

Five Gays: yes but

Baby: WJSHAt?

Five Gays: BUT I was like SIX YEARS OLD OKAY

Ben 10: AO YOU ADMIT IT

Allison: SSTIOP I CBANT BEATHE HAHAHA

Five Gays: DIEGO TRUTH OR DARE

d-d-diego: YH TRUTH

Five Gays: YOU HAD A CRUSH ON THAT AUSTRIAN PRINCE WE SAVED IN THE HOSTAGE SITUATION LAST YEAR!! YOU DID, DIDNT YOU

d-d-diego: YEA SHUT THE FUCK UP YEAH I DID

Baby: LMAO TEA

Dumb Blonde: he was cute

Allison: WHAT??

Dumb Blonde: HE WAS!!!

Allison: HE WAS NOT

Ben 10: you only like skinny sk8r white bois with names like Charlie or Patrick or Kyle 

Baby: YOUVE KILLED HER

Allison: hhhhhhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is @tua-koffee where you can find shitposts, theories, memes, and I post each new chapter


	28. John Adams ✨

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to get Luther to break out of his comfort zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to @riannaaa on tumblr and her friend cat. :)))

3:24 AM

Reggie’s 4th mistake: how do you get nail polish off the floor asking for a friend

Five Gays: is the friend you

Reggie’s 4th mistake: nah it’s Diego

d-d-diego: BRO YOU PROMISED NOT TO SAY ANYTHING 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: SORRY

d-d-diego: NOW THEY KNOW

Five Gays: im here to tell you right now 

Five gays: we don’t care

d-d-diego: asdfcghhfd

Reggie’s 4th mistake: Diego be like ooh I’m so ✨self conscious✨ About being ✨slightly feminine 

Ben 10: Diego you could come to breakfast in a skirt and I woukdnt give a shit

Allison: nail polish remover

d-d-diego: what

Allison: For cleaning up the polish 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: we’re having a moment

Allison; and I’m having a cola

Ben 10: YOU HAVE SODA?

Allison: I have ginger ale yeah 

Five Gays: why

Allison: sometimes it’s the only thing keeping me at this house

Reggie’s 4th mistake: MOOD

Five Gays: ginger ale tastes the way 100 gecs sounds

Ben 10: 100 gecs sounds like glitter

Reggie’s 4th mistake: what happens if you play that for a newborn baby 

Allison: they become the 101st gec

Ben 10: are Luther and vanya.. asleep?

Five Gays: theyre hargreeves. They’re awake.

Reggie’s 4th mistake: my bet is they’ve both muted the chat and are texting each other about something stupid. They’ll show up right about...

Baby: GUYS GUYS

Allison: there it is

Ben 10: timing is impeccable 

Baby: GUYS SO LUTHER AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR THE PAST HOUR 

Dumb Blonde: AND WE CANT FIGURE OUT HOW NICKI MINAJ SLEEPS

Reggie’s 4th mistake: on a pile of money? Idk 

Allison: ASDFGXL

Dumb Blonde:NO LIKE ON HER BACK OR ON HER STOMACH

Baby: BC SHE HAS TIBBIES BUT ALSO A PHAT @ss

Five Gays: AJhhg you’ve been talking about THIS for the past hour?? Oh m god I’m losink it 

Allison: five quit laugjinh so hard I can hear you across the hall

Five gays: IM SSORY

Dumb Blonde: SO?? HOW DOES SHE SLEEP

Baby: WE GOTTA KNOW

Allison: on her SIDE

Reggie’s 4th mistake: miss Minaj doesn’t deserve this 

Allison: five shut UP

Allison: he’s literally wheezing

Five Gays: ITSSO FUNNY

d-d-diego: I just heard a helicopter fly over the house

Reggie’s 4th mistake: uh oh Ben

Dumb Blonde: Ben they’ve found you

Allison: BEN ITSTHE COPS

Ben 10: stoppp this joke isntfunnyyy 

d-d-diego: good luck in jail Ben

Baby: Ben on the run what crimes will he commit

d-d-diego: arson  
———————————-  
6:28 AM

Ben 10: woke up a few minutes before my alarm, not thrilled but we’ll see how this plays out

Baby: woke up, not thrilled but we’ll see how this plays out 

Five Gays: gm

Baby: morning

Five Gays: I just remembered the Nicki Minaj thing and snorted

Reggie’s 4th mistake: asfvhf

Allison: vanya does half a xan every morning

Baby: ITS NOT XANAX

Reggie’s 4th mistake: it could be 

baby: omg it could be

Five Gays: I’m in hashtag pain I just stubbed arm

Baby: you mean your toe?

Five gays: no I banged my arm on a wall

Ben 10: I’m very much outgrowing this uniform it’s too short on me now

Reggie’s 4th mistake: he belongs to the streets

Baby: Ben stop dressing like a hoe challenge 

Ben 10: SHUT UP

Dumb Blonde: yeah guys don’t slut shame Ben he can be a hoe if he wants

Ben 10: L U T H E R 

Five Gays: I feel like causing mischief today 

Allison: ????

Baby: I would but I’m very much afraid of dad

d-d-diego: mood

Dumb Blonde: he puts so much pressure on me I hate it 

Five Gays: idea time!!

Reggie’s 4th mistake: OMG FIVE

d-d-diego: WAIT IS HE GONNA DO SOMETHING

Baby: 5 BLEASE

Allison: I’m SCREAMINGXSDG

Five Gays: see you all at breakfast :)

Dumb Blonde: f I v e   
————————————  
9:00 AM

five Gays: I . I don’t get it

Allison: where was the prank

Five gays: I put so much salt in dads coffee and he just .kept drinking it 

Dumb Blonde: that man is so full of hate. And salt apparently 

Baby: it was a good idea tho 

Five gays: I know it was

Dumb Blonde: I wish it worked

Five Gays: NEW IDEA

d-d-diego: the 180s this bitch pulls 

Five Gays: LUTHER has to prank dad

Dumb Blonde: WHAT WHY

d-d-diego: LNFAJKJ

Allison: don’t do this to him 💆♂️

Ben 10: because he’s number one!! 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: yeah Luther stick it to the old man

Dumb Blonde: OK OK FINE FINE ILL COME UP WITH SOMETHING  
————————————  
10:30 AM

Baby: John Adams get your hands AWF me before I drop my federalist papersss!!💅

Reggie’s 4th mistake: GDGDSDDS

Allison: VANYA WHA

Baby: oh sorry that was for Five

Five Gays: YOU SENT IT TO THE GEOUPCHAT?? HDHH

d-d-diego: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUTTT

Five Gays: IT WAS IN RESPONSE TO SOMETHINH I SAID OKAY IT MADE SENSE

d-d-diego: Well What Did You Say

Five Gays: ...

Baby: tell them 

Five Gays: “redcoat pussy gotta lotta juice” - George Washington 

Allison: LOG OFF FOR ME KING

Reggie’s 4th mistake: VANYA WHY DONT YOU BRING THAT SAME ENERGY TO THE GROUPCHAT

Baby: YOU GUYS WILL THINK IM WEIRD

d-d-diego: Benjamin has a demon portal in his abdomen vanya you’re not weird

Ben 10: OK WHAT WE’RE NOT GONNA DO IS COME FOR ME BECAUSE MISS GIRL THINKS THE FOUNDING FATHERSARE FUNNY

Reggie’s 4th mistake: which founding father is getting the best head 

Dumb Blonde: Jefferson 

Baby: I’m g a g g I n g 

Dumb Blonde: ✨✨

d-d-diego: did you come up with a prank

Dumb Blonde: yes 

Allison: omg yay

Five Gays: good luck!  
——————————  
3:13 PM

Five Gays: wow...

Allison: LUTHER

Dumb Blonde: I said I was sorry

Allison: CARE TO EXPLAIN WHYWE ARE ALL CONFINEDIN OUR ROOMS UNTIL DINNER

Ben 10: we all saw it he doesn’t need to restate

Allison: no I want it in writing 

Baby: please 

Dumb Blonde : I pulled a prank at lunch

Allison: ITS NOT A PRANK YOU JUST KNOCKED YOUR CUP OFF THE TABLE AND STARTED RENEGADING REALLY SLOWLY

Dumb Blonde: THE CUP WAS AN ACCIDENT 

Reggie’s 4th mistake: an added touch 

d-d-diego: you amaze me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have YET to finish season two but either way I think this fic will still have the same vibes


End file.
